Authenticity

“Authentic leadership is the full expression of ‘me’ for the benefit of ‘we.’” -Henna Inam

I’m Todd Barr, and I identify as non-binary (enby) and pansexual (pan). My story isn’t that different from others in the queer community, outside of the fact that I did not come out until I was 49. It was known within my inner circle and in certain communities, but I wasn’t out at work. In September of 2019, I came out publicly, well very publicly, with a tweet and Linkedin post. The catalyst for this was my, for lack of a better term, best friend, dying of Cancer earlier that year. Between that and my EMDR therapy, all my defense mechanisms broke down, my walls crumbled, and my masks shattered. I was lost and decided the only place I could run to was the truth of who I was.

For most of my career, I have worked in the Defense, Intelligence, and Homeland Security sectors of Geospatial. I was heavily masking because I feared for my job. I heard what was said about people who were “othered” behind closed doors, and I saw many opportunities for them either get shut down or evaporate, and their ideas sidelined. I remained silent and thereby complicit with the actions of my coworkers, clients, and acquaintances. I harbor a bunch of guilt because of my inaction and, in some way, my public openness, and working toward a more equitable geospatial community is part of my healing journey.

Okay, now that we have the origin out of the way, we can get to what this blog is about, an article and book that made me reframe my career — “Why Do So Many Incompetent Men Become Leaders?”

To limit my bias, I had rytr.ai write a book synopsis. Parameters for Rytr were as follows:

• Tone: Informative
• Use Case: Blog Section
• Topic: Summarize the book “Why do so many Incompetent Men become Leaders”
• Keywords: No keywords were used
• Number of Variants: Three
• Creativity Level: Low

Result:

“In his book “Why do so many Incompetent Men become Leaders”, author Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic examines the reasons why incompetent men are often chosen to lead organizations. He argues that the problem is rooted in our society’s tendency to prioritize traits like confidence and charisma over competence and expertise. He also discusses how this phenomenon can be addressed by changing our attitudes toward leadership and recognizing the importance of meritocracy in the workplace. The book provides an insightful analysis of how we can create a more equitable system for selecting leaders and encourages readers to challenge their preconceived notions about who should be in charge.”

I read this book during the beginning of the lockdown, and it sparked something in me to look at my career and deconstruct aspects of it to understand why I had the opportunities I did, and others did not. Why I was asked to speak at conferences and others weren’t, why was I promoted, hired, sought out for advice, and the other things that have developed my career?

All of this lead to the question, “Do I deserve the role I have?”

This wasn’t Imposter Syndrome talking; this was different. I understood Imposter Syndrome, but this was new. I had existed under the umbrella of being pale and male, and I had stepped away from that protection. By reframing my life and living as my authentic self, I had stepped away from those protections and privileges. This was foundational.

Did I work hard to get where I was, yes, but others had worked as hard as I had. Was it luck? Some of it had to be. Was it location? I was living in DC, which comes with a certain amount of access to interesting jobs and career opportunities. It wasn’t connections, at least not at first — but as I developed my professional reputation, a network developed around that.

I journaled and parsed through this off and on for about a year. It was an exhausting process. It required me to dive deep and ask those hard questions, which generally led to more challenging questions. But I felt like I owed it to myself, to be honest, and turn into the skid of those questions, regardless of difficulty or how much I did not want to know the answer.

Like all journeys of self-discovery, I never really got to a conclusion as to why or how I am where I am. I know where I am, and I learned a great deal about myself — then, I set out my next course of action and how to operationalize what I had discovered to become a better manager and leader.

Some call it radical transparency, and others get weirded out when I ask questions that require them to question themselves. Pulling from a place of experience and emotion and focusing on everyone winning — not just my team or me. Working to build trust with individuals, teams, and groups by being open about everything. Having hard conversations and ensuring whoever is involved knows what they say will be considered and accepted.

Within the sandboxes, I create, and I try to foster them as best I can. I get resistance and confused looks occasionally when I explain it, but that’s okay. I don’t need to succeed or win continually, as I already have — and now, to me at least, it’s about all of us winning, individually, as a team, and as a company.

I’m almost done rambling; just a couple more sentences.

Understanding who I am and how I no longer have to “front” because I live as my authentic self has given me the freedom to tap all aspects of me and bring that to every table where I sit, every conversation I have, and every problem I face. I no longer have to fake being masculine or chest pound, and why should it — there is so much more power in self-authenticity than in all the fake confidence in the world.