your wandering heart
if you saw through my eyes and heart to who you are to me, maybe it would be different for you now in your mind that wanders.
if you saw my teardrops when i think of the way you turn away when i say it wrong, maybe you’d know the truth.
if you remind me of someone who i hurt deeply or who hurt me, maybe you’d know that any word or look could activate that and become you.
if you heard me explain through my wounds, maybe you could feel yourself and me better and then know why i am shielding you from me.
if you knew that i could and desire to protect you and know exactly what to do and how to hold you, maybe you would feel content now just imagining it.
if you knew that every day i imagine where you are and wonder if i could find you in my days, maybe you’d look for me.
if you knew just how much i care and my capacity to love, maybe you could feel my vulnerable self who worries that it would overwhelm you.
if you only knew just how much i could love you…
if you only knew what a hole your absence leaves, maybe you would come back to me.
if you knew how turned on i am just to be by your side, maybe your heart would smile when you saw me.
if you knew how awkward it is for me too to be alone, maybe you would see yourself in my mirror.
if you knew that i already know you from my dream last night, maybe that would help you live in the present right now and connect with me in the spaces between us.
if you knew that to look in your eyes revives me, maybe you would look into me more and see who you are to me.
if you settled into your true self and asked yourself ‘why?’, maybe your answer would be my voice and then you’d know.
if you truly become your heart, you will really feel me… do you still think i don’t care?
if you feel your breath the way i do, sense your presence the way i do, hold your moments the way i do, you would know how much you are loved.
© r.e.l. 2/25/15
Originally published at mysecretinnuendo.com on April 27, 2015.