A Shoulder When It Was Needed
by Iris L. Kitching
There is a teenager that I am very close to. I have known her since she was a baby. She is a likable, kind, and sensitive girl. I can sense when something is terribly wrong. I know the look of despondency or the tone of voice. I have to admit that much of what she worries about is more than any teen should have to be concerned with, but some is frivolous ‘what ifs’, growing pains, or dealing with immature or callous friends. Truth be told, I’m one of the grandmas and like to see her go through these challenges too often.
I see the genes of both her parents and grandparents in her. She is most like her mother in disposition — also likable, kind, and sensitive — one whose friends could count on her to stick with them, converse until they felt better, and just be there when they had difficulties. That sounds like me somewhat. I was the sensible teenager, the voice of reason my friends looked to but sometimes poked fun at when they wanted to do wrong. As an adult, my co-workers in various work places have confided in me, and church members in several houses of worship have sought me out to get my thoughts on situations they are in. They know confidences they share will go no farther.
It has been difficult and very challenging for me to see my granddaughter in turmoil. She tends to be a worrywart and wears her heart on her sleeve. As soon as I realize something is on her mind, I get her to open up about the feelings before they escalate. Otherwise, she won’t sleep well (and neither will I), will be weepy, or is weighed down with too much to figure out or understand. That’s certainly not the best way to go to sleep, stay asleep, or wake up to a new day, not for any of us. My approach with her is multi-faceted — a bit of common sense, practical thoughts, patience, and spiritual insight. I actually make my point several different ways, hoping one of them will sink in. When she says “I got it grandma” and verbalizes thoughts back to me in her own words, I know she’s okay. She thanks me, says she feels better, and sounds more upbeat.
When she was younger, there was much to talk through and understand. In every talk, some really late at night, I’ve wanted her to know how much I love her, to realize that all of us go through stuff, and that she’ll make it. She’s matured in the past 2 years so there are less crises. Still a certain look or tone, or worse — no contact for days — and I cautiously say “What’s up?” I don’t want to intrude but I do want to be there if she wants to talk to me.
I thank God that I have been in her life to give support, guidance and love as she faces typical teen challenges and other things life throws at her. I don’t know that any of us overcome all that we face, but we work hard at it. I know she has learned lots seeing me, talking with me, and simply knowing that I care. That has made all the difference in her life and mine too. After all, I’m just grandma, and doing what most grandmas would do for any grandchild whose special to us. And we know this one thing — they are all special!
This is my Day 13 post for the 30 Day Writing Challenge in the Speak Write Now Community.
