Euphoria and Reckoning: My Journey Through Mania
I remember coming out of a long depression and feeling like I was on top of the world. The heavy fog that had clouded my mind for so long lifted, and suddenly, everything was vibrant and full of possibility. I stopped taking my medications, convinced that I no longer needed them. I have since been diagnosed with Bipolar I with psychotic features, but at that time, I felt invincible.
The euphoria was intoxicating. I felt that I finally had things figured out, that I had unlocked some hidden truth about existence. I became super spiritual and delved into esoteric occult literature, searching for deeper meanings and connections. Every symbol, every coincidence seemed like a sign guiding me down a profound spiritual journey. It was as if the old, burdened soul within me had committed a kind of spiritual suicide, leaving behind only the light parts of my essence. I felt like I was in Valhalla, living among the living as a god or deity of sorts.
From this elevated state, I looked down with sorrow at those who couldn’t see the beauty in the world, who didn’t understand that nothing could tarnish its inherent perfection. It was like living in heaven, a realm where everything was pure and untouchable. But as I soared higher, my family and friends grew increasingly alarmed. My ideas and speech became more erratic, more disconnected from reality.
