Speaking Bipolar

From the Pages of a Perpetual Pariah — The Bloodletting

The Hidden Chapter, Page 2

TRIGGER WARNING: Brief discussion of self-harm

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My Daughter Was a Cutter

M y daughter came to me when she was 11 with something in her closed hands and a horrible look on her face. Like me, she’s an ugly crier and our sobs have excellent warning properties, so I knew that’s where things were going fast. I stopped what I was doing and asked her what was wrong. She opened her clenched fists to reveal an assortment of sharp things: razor blades, staples, scissors. I saw the Band-Aids on her fingers. Why hadn’t I noticed them before? When she saw the blow hit, her tears spilled over, and I pulled her into my arms to tell her it would be okay. She was shaking. She was saying she was so, so sorry. She couldn’t stop.

I did a little bit of research on cutting at the time. Very basic research so nothing to be considered expertise, by any means. “Why?” Probably my biggest question. And “Could I have prevented it?”

Rarely is the act of cutting an actual suicide attempt and rarely is it considered to be a sign of suicidal ideation. Today, a good portion of the stigma can be attributed to social media which glamorizes it, along with the more “legacy” acts of body harm — anorexia, bulimia. (We dealt with…