31 DAYS OF CYSTIC FIBROSIS

If I Wasn’t Going To Be Here for a Long Time, I Was Going To Have a Good Time

Day 11: The road to self-destruction was well signposted

Image by Free-Photos from Pixabay

Everything seemed hopeless

I was nineteen, relatively healthy, and stuck on the Invalid Pension. Not because I needed the Invalid Pension, but because other than my few casual shifts at Coles, I’d been unable to secure any other employment.

I still wanted that education, I wanted to work in a library, I wanted to travel, and I wanted a family. And it all seemed so elusive.

More significantly, I was starting to believe this constant narrative that was thrown at me. Who was I to dream of having a job, travel or a family? Sooner or later, my CF would progress, and instead of watching my friends die, I would be the one slowly drowning as my lungs filled with mucus.

So I pushed the boundaries with destructive behavior. I experimented with drugs, alcohol, and even cigarettes. I went out and danced all night. I didn’t look after myself. I stopped doing my treatments. The drop in my health was a direct reflection of how I treated my body.

As a consequence, I started to have hospital admission more frequently. But I told myself that my decline was as it should be.

Because getting sick was my job description.

I had Cystic Fibrosis.

I was a Cystic Fibrosis sufferer.

Still, a little part of me wanted more. A tiny voice told me if I could change the narrative, that life I wanted could be mine.

31 Days of Cystic Fibrosis is an awareness-raising campaign to coincide with
the national Cystic Fibrosis (CF) awareness month in Australia.

Next in the 31 Days of Cystic Fibrosis series — Hospital Admissions in the Early 90s

A time when the nurses would join in our shenanigans.

If you’ve just joined the journey and want to start at the beginning, you’ll find the first post here:

Your Daughter Has Cystic Fibrosis. I Was a New Mum Dealing With a Seriously Ill Child

📚 Writer, Storyteller, Librarian 🎤 Speaker🌹Cystic Fibrosis Warrior 💞 Lung Transplant Recipient 🤱Mother
Sandi is a Cystic Fibrosis Warrior who has defied statistics since 1972. She lives with her favorite husband and two problem puppies.
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