Educate, don’t berate…And always order extra-large
My initial thought was “I knew I should have went with the extra-large.” My second was “man I wish this “guy” (we’ll keep it PG here) behind me would shut up.” I was taking my little brother out for pizza at a local pizza place in Northern Virginia after he and his Special Olympics team just pulled off a John Elway-esque come-from-behind victory. Despite the slightly under-cooked and rapidly melting cheese, we were enjoying the pizza and talking about the game but my attention kept getting pulled in another direction: literally. The guy in the booth behind me just kept going on about his truck breaking down. He kept using the R-Word and making noises that he thought correlated to that word to describe the broken parts (as well as a slew of other words that I wouldn’t say in front of my mother).
Now I am far from a saint and have been alleged to occasionally yell out an expletive or two when I stub my toe or get cut off in traffic but this was too much to listen to, especially with my thirteen year old brother in clear ear shot.
Maybe it was lack of sleep, maybe it was because I was having a rough week at school but I uncharacteristically turned around, fists clenched, got within five inches or so of his face and not so politely told the guy (and I am paraphrasing here) “shut up, you have no idea what you talking about and are an idiot” in a volume of speech that was a few decibels shy of yelling. The guy looked both angry and embarrassed and told me something along the lines of “mellow out dude, they’re words, don’t be such a sensitive wimp.”
Slowly I sat back down, fists still clenched and face still red. I realized that everyone in our section of the restaurant was staring at me. I looked at my brother who looked down embarrassed, an emotion that quickly swept over me as well. I had caused a scene. I had embarrassed myself and my brother and I sincerely doubt made any impact on this guy’s future choice of words. Though I didn’t realize it at the time; that was my first experience advocating against the use of the R-Word, not exactly a triumphant victory for me or an enlightening experience for the loudmouth behind me.
It is tough to keep your cool when someone is provoking you especially on an issue that you are passionate about but if you have any chance of persuading the other side to hear you out, unless you are a drill sergeant, yelling and unfiltered emotion will seldom get you a productive outcome.
I learned that no matter how unequivocally right you think you are, no one likes (A) someone aggressively getting in their face and (B) getting preached to. You combine the two and your message may as well be spoken in Latin. Remember when trying to explain something to people: educate don’t berate.
PS: I also learned that when in doubt, always go with extra-large. That way, even if you don’t finish, you will still have leftovers to eat in the morning.
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