Ask Olive

He Left Me Hanging When I Needed Someone the Most

Advice for those who want it

Oct 23, 2018 · 4 min read

Hi Olive,

I have this best friend, and we’ve been together through everything. Failed relationships, family problems, financial problems — you name it, we were each other’s shoulders to lean on. Earlier this year, he met a girl who broke his heart, his mother got into an accident for which she needed to undergo total hip replacement, and he also got into a vehicular accident (but was fine — physically, I mean). I was always the person he would call in the middle of the night when his thoughts consumed him. I think I am the only person who has seen him cry. I treated him as my best friend, and I can’t imagine life without my best friend.

Last June, my mother died of lung cancer. I was overwhelmed with emotions I didn’t know existed. I didn’t know that losing a parent gives a daughter a pain she can’t even put into words. I’ve always handled all of my worries alone (well, not every time, as I sometimes confided in him about my worries, especially about boys), but this time I really needed someone to truly know what I felt. I confided everything to my best friend. I didn’t leave a single bit of detail inside of me. I told him everything.

And then he started slipping away. From my messages being ‘seen’ to totally ghosting on me. I don’t understand why. I asked him about this, of course, and he said that he was just busy. But that’s a really lame excuse, especially because I know he still talks with his friends. So, why is he not talking to me? I felt that he left me hanging when I needed someone the most. He doesn’t reply to my messages even when I see him active on social media. Maybe I just don’t matter to him as much as he matters to me, but I could be wrong, or — I don’t know, I honestly don’t know what to think anymore.

I deactivated all of my social networking sites, because I don’t want to see him. I don’t even want to see his name. I stopped reaching out, too. But I also feel guilty for doing this. Do you think I’m doing the right thing? Or is there anything else that I should do? Why do you think he ghosted on me? Please help.

Still mourning and in danger of losing a best friend,

Should I Save the Friendship or Should I Move On With My Life