Ask Olive

I Need Constant Affirmation

Advice for those who want it

Dear Olive,

In recent weeks, I’ve come to a sad realization about my life. I’ve spent years of it chasing praise for everything I do. When I don’t get it, I tend to act out in negative fashion, thinking “someone’s going to notice my actions,” but all it does is piss everyone off and further compound the situation that I’m in. My sense of self-worth has become dependent solely on the accomplishments I’ve done, in order to prove to people that I’m doing something with my life.

The chase of praise goes back to one particular moment in my life. In the third grade, I was the member of my class picked to participate in the big spelling bee. I was so confident that I would do well, and I had everyone rooting for me. When the day of the competition came, I blew the chance I had and was eliminated on the first word, “chimney.” All the cheering-up from my classmates afterward couldn’t console me as I felt that I let them and my teacher down by my poor showing.

From that moment, I’ve spent every day since trying to earn good grades and generally trying to be a good person, in the hopes that I would be rewarded for my efforts. But all the praise, achievement, and recognition only increased the pressure to succeed and the expectations that I…