God Of the Bible Behaving Badly: Part II

The Dead Don’t Float: A Murder Story with Corpses

There’s a reason we paint animals boarding the ark on nursery walls but never the bloated corpses God left behind. The story of Noah’s Ark is one of the most sanitized, misrepresented events in religious storytelling. But let’s stop pretending it’s cute. If we take the Bible at its word, this was divine genocide — total, brutal, and absolute.

According to Genesis 6, God looked down at humanity and saw wickedness. So, rather than try reform, healing, or even just smiting the bad apples, He opts for full extinction. Every man, woman, child, and animal not on a homemade boat gets drowned. We tell kids this story with rainbows and smiling elephants. We don’t mention the infants clawing for air or the terrified families swept away in a violent tide of divine disappointment.

God’s reason? He “regretted” making humans. Which is wild for a supposedly all-knowing being. He created humanity, watched it go off the rails, and rather than take accountability, hit the reset button — with a tidal wave.

And it wasn’t quick. The rain fell for 40 days, but the waters stayed for 150. That’s not judgment. That’s overkill.

Let’s say the world was corrupt. Were toddlers corrupt? Were deer and koalas in on the evil schemes? What kind of justice is so indiscriminate that it drowns every living thing? That’s not righteousness — it’s wrath without reason.

And Noah? He’s spared. Great. He follows orders, builds the ark, survives. But what kind of God needs His chosen survivor to watch the world die just to “start over”? No post-trauma counseling. No warning signs. Just: build a boat, watch Me erase creation.

And the rainbow afterward? That’s the part where God promises not to do it again. Which is like a man torching your house, then handing you a flower and saying, “See? I’ve matured.”

We read this as divine love. Why?

Because the story had a survivor?

Because animals made it?

Because God didn’t do it twice?

This wasn’t tough parenting. This wasn’t justice. This was mass death by divine tantrum.

And if this story is true, then we should stop calling God good.

He’s just in charge.