Unconditional vs Conditional Love.
What does it mean? How to tell the difference?
In this content, I will break down and discussed the definition that we are all known to use and seem to know the definition of, “Unconditional Love”.
Unconditional Love Definition:
According to Wikipedia, “Unconditional love is known as affection without any limitations, or love without conditions. This term is sometimes associated with other terms such as true altruism or complete love.” But what does it really, truly mean? Since love is love without conditions or limitations — what does it mean to the human eye or the emotional connections to each other? Is it unconditional love internally? Externally? Physical? Emotional? If there is none, then what about Conditional Love?
Conditional Love Definition:
Now we know what Unconditional Love means, let's look at what Conditional Love means as well. Here is a definition quoted from Hudson Therapy of the blog title called, Conditional vs Unconditional Love. It’s stated that “Conditional love can be defined as just that — love with conditions. This means that your love for another person, or another person’s love for you, is contingent on certain actions, or things going on. Common phrases used in conditional love: “I will date you if you take me to prom”.
Unconditional Love vs Conditional Love.
Now, given we have previously anticipated both unconditional and conditional love concepts, what’s the difference? How can we distinguish the both in a relationship, family and friends? In this article, I will provide and guide you to a full, deeper understanding of the term we all seem to know and used — Unconditional Love.
To start off, not many people know or understand the concept when someone speaks about unconditional love. Whenever we hear the phrases such as, “I love this person unconditionally” or “Your family will always love you unconditionally”, what does it mean? We all know what it means, “they will love you no matter what. No matter who you are, where you came from, who your family is, they will love you for YOU”. This is by far true, BUT one thing is for certain, the love we are taught to know growing up is basically based on the level on how we show love, aka unconditional love.
Because let’s all be honest, whether that is with family, friends, relationships – there is no such thing as unconditional love. We say it because we emotionally do love that person for who they are inside and out but mentally? Not so much. Because mentally, we also have to love them deeper than we are used to normally loving at a certain level. Unconditional love refers to not only the physical body and emotions, inside and out of their personality and who they are, it referred to ALL of the body itself. Mind, body and spirit. The physical body, the mental body, the emotional body and the spiritual body. Unconditional love is love throughout.
Bible Verses Unconditional Love
The best way to give deeper explanations of the meaning behind unconditional love and why it is different than the way God has given to us is by looking deeper into the meaning of the bible and the words that are being spoken.
1 Corinthians 13: 4–8a
Love is patient and kind; does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude; it does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoings; but rejoice with the truth. Bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, endure all things. Love never ends.
1 John 4:8
God is Love.
The reason why I choose the first verse of the Bible then following up with John is because there is such a deeper understanding and meaning to both especially when you tend to hear Christians say, “God is Love”.
Diving Deep
Before we get into the true meaning behind ‘Unconditional Love’ let’s break down the meaning behind the verses of the scripture that is written in the bible.
In the New Testament, 1 Corinthians 13: 4.8a, the bible stated that “Love Is patient and kind; does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude; it does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoings, but rejoice with the truth. Bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, endure all things. Love never ends.”
“Love is patient, love is kind..”, this refers to that love has no limitations when it comes to being patient for someone and being kind to someone.
“Love is patient..”,
This may indicate that you wait for a long time for somebody. If you’re patient or you have the tolerance you have for everything they experience, be it a mental disorder problem, or if they have an accident and they’re in bed for a number of weeks or months. Love is patient, perhaps in that sense, about something bodily. Because if you think about this, we frequently consider waiting for somebody or being there together for a physical requirement of somebody who can’t do it by themselves, when we’re patient. Or it may sometimes relate to your mental and emotional requirements for someone regardless of the way they take care of it. Or it may occasionally relate to the mental or emotional necessities for someone, even though it takes him/her to heal. That is what we often think of when we say “Love is patient”.
In truth, the significance behind ‘love is patient’ is both psychological and emotional. The deeper comprehension of the person we love. In all, every single person has his/her unique style of thinking, his/her method of doing things, his/her way of healing, etc. Enlightenment is not only a means of showing you genuinely love this person but also a way of showing that you are ready to immerse yourself deeply in the inner thoughts, demons, deeds etc. of this person. This is where “love is patient” fits under the “unconditional love” heading. Unlimitedly, love needs many patients and compassion to discover and comprehend someone they actually are. Mental stability and emotional stability are needed to comprehend someone and to open up the individual to you. Everyone goes through their own kind of suffering, but not everybody knows what they’re doing.
An example I would like to give my family. (To give a disclaimer, this is for educational purposes only.) Throughout all my life I have “forced” myself to understand my family. My mother, my siblings, my grandmother and my dad. But when it comes to me that I want to understand from my own family, particularly from my own mother and my older brother — they were not just patient enough to explain to me deeper for me to understand. I always want someone to understand me throughout my life, to take the time to comprehend me, to listen. Not only did I expose myself to them, as I was when I made friends, but they were ready to comprehend me in the depths of my heart. As they would hiss, yell, argue and make me believe my sentiments are so legitimate in attempting to do that to my mom and brother. It is valid to the amount that you are ready to hear too. Or whether it’s good for them occasionally. That is why my heart is closing my emotions, yet freely to my peers. There is an absolute love here that I know. The family’s not ending in blood. You finish in “thick and thin.”
Patience is all the strenght that man needs. — Sayings of Sathya Sai Baba, David C. Jones
“Love is kind;”
Could mean that you are respecting those around you like strangers in the streets. Or respecting your elders. Like in some countries, according to the article, Elderly Care: What does the Bible say? Written by Calvary Homes stated that, “In the same way, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. All of you clothe yourselves with humility toward one another because God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble. During chapter 5, Peter is mainly focusing his instructions on the elders and leaders of the churches. — Peter 5.5” Indicates that respecting our elders…“is a method to demonstrate that we regard them. If the young people in their own community grow up with respect for the wisdom and life experiences of older people, they are more likely to witness things they can enjoy.” — Importance of Respect for Elders. As in that respecting those who are older than us we are respecting those who are wiser and have more experience that can teach the younglings. But what I am confused about is, shouldn’t respect goes both ways?
If you reply yes it is because it’s common knowledge, but it’s not really respectful to people who are older and “more knowledgeable” than younger generations. Because we have been taught that the older the more respect they receive, but that respect is not only to be gained because we have not been taught. When I think about “love is kind”, I often tell myself that no matter your age, race, sexuality gender, etc etc, respecting those around you is important because you never know who is having a bad day or you never know what their life is like behind closed doors. Yes, I agree that respecting your elders is important but how can I, as a young adult, respect those who appear to be “wiser” who are making me feel like I am not respectable enough to be respected?
As written in the New Testament Bible verse, Peter 5:5, “In the same way, you who are younger, be subject to the elders.” and “God resists the proud but gives grace to the humble.” In a sense, it does refer to ‘age’. But nobody speaks about the age type. Age as in the age of the body? Or in the spiritual/soul age? God resists the arrogant but offers grace to the humble and behind grace the spiritual meaning “unmerited divine assistance given to humans for their regeneration or sanctification.” This means that I don’t think that we refer to the human body when we express gratitude and respect to the “elders.” It may refer to the etheric body of the body itself, alias the spiritual or soul. Or even it may refer to the individual’s enlightenment on what to serve or/and offer.
Let’s take Aboriginal Culture for example, in the article Respect for Elders and Culture, a writer wrote, “You have to be initiated and trusted to be able to give another level of culture to [another] person,” says Aboriginal woman Kathy Balngayngu Marika.” and “You become an Elder because you have lived your life in a particular fashion giving service to your community. Your wider group will decide that you’ve reached a milestone and that you are then an Elder.” This shows that it’s not the hair, age or something bodily of the body or even of life. This refers to the commitment that you want to give your life and soul to the degree of service. Because our body goes with us when we die, but our soul is still alive. The one thing that continues to age, grow and live in our soul. Whether you believe in Hell or Hell, realize that your soul is the only thing you can experience in the way you live in or around the world.
That being said, in the world of spiritual growth and enlightenment, the age to find our goal and purpose of life, it doesn’t matter that in the physical body. It is the age and experience that your soul gains and learns through giving information across all eras while being modest. Yes, respect for elderly people still has to be respected, but regard for younger ones is just as essential. They may appear to know, or not, anything, but the soul will tell you differently. They will not know.
Simple ways to show and give respect to those who earn it according to the article, 7 Ways to be Respectful.
- Listen and be present.
- Be thoughtful of others’ feelings.
- Acknowledge others and say thank you.
- Address mistakes with kindness.
- Make decisions based on what’s right, not who you like.
- Respect physical boundaries.
- Live and let live.
Love must see the best in others and not the worst. Love cannot ignore the divinity in others. The greatest of the virtues is loves. — Sayings of Sathya Sai Baba, David C. Jones
“It does not insist on its own way;”
The notion that unconditional love is without conditions is the thing that people forget about realizing or even remember. If you’re uncertain about what I mean by ‘conditions,’ there are instances and profound sorts of red flags based on a parent or friend’s connection or even a romantic one. From an article called 17 Signs of Conditional Love: Watch Out for These Red Flags, written by Dawn Perez.
“It does not insist on its own way;” In other words, “if you love me you would do this for me”, “if you want me to understand and respect you, you have to understand and respect me”, or “How you feel? Consider how I feel too!” There is a constant pattern if you observe, and this pattern is ‘Do what I want you to do if you love me, and I’ll do things that you want me to do, depending on how much I achieve level.’ Unconditional love has no restrictions, and there are examples of phrases that not only I hear on soul experiences, but I also tend to hear every day — whether in a relationship, friendship, the family you name it.
Criticizing others, finding fault with them — all this comes out of egoism. — Sayings of Sathya Sai Baba, David C. Jones
“It is not irritable or resentful;”
Unconditional love is not only physically but even verbally harmful to those you adore. It isn’t always true to say, “Sticks and stones can break my bones but words never hurt." Statistics show, according to the website NCADV stated that “on average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner…” Reported in a PDF document, this shows that Psychological abuse statistics show, “48.4% of women and 48.8% of men have experienced at least one psychologically aggressive behaviour by an intimate partner.” Whereas Physical abuse statistics show, “More than 10 million Americans are victims of physical violence annually”.
That being stated, any type of assault towards someone you term “love,” might influence that person. Physical harm can persist for a long time, but emotional, mental damage.
The article, Domestic Violence and Abuse explains that “Not all abusive relationships involve physical violence. Just because you’re not battered and bruised doesn’t mean you’re not being abused. Many men and women suffer from emotional abuse, which is no less destructive. Unfortunately, emotional abuse is often minimized or overlooked — even by the person experiencing it. The aim of emotional abuse is to chip away at your feelings of self-worth and independence — leaving you feeling that there’s no way out of the relationship, or that without your abusive partner, you have nothing.” Emotional/verbal abuse is not always linked — it is mostly done yet emotional/verbal abuse originates from your home in the majority of instances, i.e childhood upbringing.
Here are some signs or examples of emotional/verbal abuse from the website Helpguide.org:
- Emotional abuse includes verbal abuse such as yelling, name-calling, blaming, and shaming. Isolation, intimidation, and controlling behaviour are also forms of emotional abuse. — Helpguide.org, Emotional abuse: It’s a bigger problem than you think.
- Abusers who use emotional or psychological abuse often throw in threats of physical violence or other repercussions if they don’t do as they want. — Helpguide.org, Emotional abuse: It’s a bigger problem than you think.
- The scars of emotional abuse are very real and they run deep. You may think that physical abuse is far worse than emotional abuse since physical violence can send you to the hospital and leave you with physical wounds. But emotional abuse can be just as damaging — sometimes even more so. — Helpguide.org, Emotional abuse: It’s a bigger problem than you think.
There will be no temptations for others to shout when you talk to them in whispers. — Sayings of Sathya Sai Baba, David C. Jones
“It does not rejoice at wrongdoings;”
Unconditional love is also to love the person who is incorrect or wrong, without bitterness or resentment. Or it isn’t keeping tabs or tracks of the person’s wrongdoings. Written from the same author and article of 17 Signs of Conditional Love: Watch out for These Red Flags, she pointed out that “in which one person brings up a grievance, and the other person tries to top that. Perhaps it was something that happened in the past, and the other person responds with 2 or 3 ways you did the exact same thing. Or maybe they tell you you did something even worse.”
Regardless of whether you have a partnership, a friendly relationship or even a family that tells you they love you unlimitedly, there are chances of circumstances they do not.
…Love can never entertain the idea of revenge, for it sees all others as oneself. When the tongue is hurt by the teeth, do you seek vengeance agaisnt the wrong doer? — Sayings of Sathya Sai Baba, David C. Jones
“But rejoice with the truth.”
The reality underlying it all is that unconditional love should be love that accepts and accepts not just those you physically adore. The spiritual body, physical body and mind.
…Only when he experience non-dualism. As long as he is steeped in dualism, he is bound to be racked by the opposites: joy and sorrow, the real and the unreal. — Sayings of Sathya Sai Baba, David C. Jones
Instead, we speak words given to us by the Spirit...(Spirit of Truth: hint for soon coming article of the depths and meaning behind). But people who aren’t spiritual can’t receive these truths from God’s Spirit. It all sounds foolish to them and they can’t understand, for those who are spiritual can understand what the Spirit means. — 1 Corinthians 3 13:14 (New Tesetament with Psalms and Proverbs)
Deep Dive into the Next
In the New Testament, verse 1 John 4:8 it is said that “Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.”
The term, “God is love”, what does it mean? Or what does this refer to?
“God is love.”
When we speak of ‘God is Love’, think about it. “Love one another as I have loved you — John 13:34”. What does this mean in a spiritual deeper sense?
God’s Unconditional Love
In the article written by Craig Brian Larson, he mentioned in his writing about God’s unconditional love saying — “Scripture says, ‘God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us’ (Romans 5:8 ESV). God loves people unconditionally. He loves because he loves. He loves even his enemies. He loves sinners.” — Knowing God and His Ways.
This Bible expression alludes to the overwhelming and yet unconditional love God has for us that the human eyes and mind must be attained or understood. Since the love of God is thought to be “perfect,” we are inclined to discover other easy ways to show anybody that we love that individual “unconditionally.” But in fact, it is difficult to meet the level of loving someone that is high in the standard of “unconditional”.
God’s Conditional Love
As for God’s conditional love, he points out that — “On the other hand, conditional love says, ‘My love requires something from you.’ Again and again, the Bible shows that when God gives love he demands something….. God didn’t say he would love each of them no matter what. He said they had to keep his covenant.”
As said before, we find it hard to give one other the true sort of love, which we should all receive and give, that the degree of love of God is ideal for “perfection.” In a note of God’s conditional love, if His son died for us and our sins, one condition we must follow is the love we have for others.
“Don’t choose between describing God’s love unconditional and conditional, for his love is both”. — Craig Brian Larson, Knowing God and His Way.
How it Relates to Unconditional Love?
It is just for a greater knowledge of what unconditional love means that I broke down the underlying meaning of each verse. This is because I want to provide you additional insights into the significance of this subject and why do we use the phrase unconditional if we do not do an action that is truly described as unconditional love? Understanding and knowing the deeper term of this word can lead to the acceptance of unconditional love might change the emotional well-being also.
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