EDITED: Agama Yoga is probably an abusive cult.
However, some people have had remarkable spiritual experiences there. The original title of this piece was: “Science and Tantric Spirituality: Ananya, The Bay Area Chemist Who Became A Thai Tantrika”
This interview is part of the Spirituality X project.
EDITED:
I originally published this interview after meeting Ananya, a student at Agama Yoga. I resonated with the story of her spiritual awakening. And I still believe that Ananya’s spiritual awakening was genuine, and that she did not lie to me. Therefore, I have maintained my interview with Ananya in its original form below, as I believe the text could be useful to other spiritual seekers.
HOWEVER, IT IS NOW ALSO CLEAR THAT AGAMA YOGA IS AN ABUSIVE CULT.
When I typed up the interview after speaking to Ananya, I originally included a link to a review of Agama Yoga that stated that the head teacher has a long history of sexual intimidation and harassment. But I removed that link from the introduction of the article after Ananya sent me a message pointing out that the accusations are from some time ago. She stated, “Those accusations concerned a particular teacher who runs his own center elsewhere and is not based here. This teacher no longer teaches at Agama and we have a code of ethics around tantra massage.”
So, because Ananya was earnestly telling me that the problem had been solved, and because I did not have the resources to investigate further at the time, I moved the link to the bottom of the article.
Today — July 24th, 2018 — a woman emailed me a link to the following piece, which was just published yesterday: “Women Accuse Agama Yoga Founder Swami Vivekananda Saraswati of Sexual Assault.” It contains plentiful stories of sexual assault, harassment, etc. at Agama Yoga.
I happen to have some experience in the anti-rape movement, including as a rape crisis counselor. Based on my experience, I believe that these stories are true and that the people who committed these crimes at Agama Yoga should be punished to the fullest extent of the law, and socially ostracized.
However, I also continue to believe that Ananya’s personal spiritual experience is both real and significant. I want to celebrate her experience, learn from it, and commend her honesty in talking to me.
It’s worth noting that this is a good case study of a person having a real and transformative spiritual experience related to a fallible, even an unethical or abusive person. These stories are important. We need to recognize that deep spiritual experiences can happen in problematic, damaging, and even abusive contexts. This does not make the spiritual experience itself meaningless or bad.
And the corollary here is: Gurus are not necessarily worth following just because they have the ability to inspire profound spiritual experiences. Even if they have that ability, they can still be corrupt.
With all that said, here is my original interview with Ananya:
I heard about Ananya because she passed through San Francisco in late 2016, and she ran workshops on spiritual yoga — as well as workshops on spiritual sexuality.
After attending two of Ananya’s workshops, I learned that she was raised Episcopalian and earned a Ph.D. in chemistry in her twenties. After getting her Ph.D., Ananya worked in the Bay Area tech industry before she went to Thailand and devoted herself to tantric practice. Now she’s been living in Thailand for two years.
Before I asked to interview Ananya, I looked into the tantric school where she studies, Agama Yoga. Turns out that Agama Yoga is controversial, and there are reviews from students who feel sexually exploited. Of course, there are happy students as well, like Ananya herself.
I like Ananya, and I may visit the school sometime. But still, I want to be really clear that I have never visited Agama Yoga and I am not endorsing it!
Now, here’s Ananya….
LYDIA LAURENSON: To start, I’m interested in your background. You said that you have a Ph.D., and I think a lot of people would consider you to have gone in a pretty different direction from academia…
ANANYA (not her real name): I got my Ph.D. at Berkeley in chemistry. I always wanted to be a teacher, a professor, because I liked investigating esoteric questions. I wanted to explore how things work, how they fit together. Being a chemist you get to do all sorts of things, crawl around lab rooms and fix machinery, thinking of unique ways to solve problems.
I intended to follow it all the way through. I did a postdoc at UCSF in molecular biology. But ultimately, I realized I had a lot more to offer than what I could do working in a lab, so I spent a year working in biotech in investor relations. It was great, but I felt like I was working to support our civilization in a way that didn’t match my heart’s desire. And after a year, our product didn’t go to market and I got laid off.
Which was the best thing that ever happened to me! Because I didn’t have the strength or courage to step outside my life until then. I was really in it for the long haul — work hard, save for retirement, etc. But at that point, my ex-husband and I fortunately had the resources to walk away from our lives and go travel for a year.
My husband had always been a spiritual practitioner and trying to expose me to this side of life. I was resistant. As a scientist, I was all about objectivity, and spirituality is all about subjectivity. We found Agama Yoga while we were traveling — and I read the description and was like, “Hell no, I’m going to hate that.”
And yet when I started playing with energy, using the tantric framework at Agama Yoga — it was one of those times in your life when you’re struck by lightning. Shaktipat.
I felt like I could suddenly see all the narratives about myself and my world that I’d been trying to hold onto, that were making me miserable. It was a totally new way of connecting with people, with myself, and this understanding of truth and beauty and bliss, and relaxation and surrender.
“After that, nothing mattered anymore. All I wanted to do was practice.”
I couldn’t stop practicing. After that, nothing mattered anymore. All I wanted to do was practice. Wherever we went, whatever hotel room or train station, I’d be spending two hours doing my practice.
We came back to San Francisco — and my house caught fire, my car broke down, and my husband and I decided to separate. I’ve never been a person who paid attention to signs, but those were some signs! And I realized my heart’s desire was to go back to that school in Thailand.
LYDIA: When you found this school — the experience that you had. Would you call it a spiritual awakening? What was the word you used, shaktipat?
ANANYA: I still feel like such a beginner. But from what I’ve read, yes, it was a spiritual awakening. That’s why I called it shaktipat: A descent of grace. A lightning moment when a transmission from the universe comes through to you.
LYDIA: What are the practices you observe day to day?
ANANYA: The originator of my school took esoteric stuff from many teachers and sources and streamlined it, made it understandable for modern people. It’s a meditative practice using the body.
In tantric yoga, we don’t use yoga for exercise. We use asanas — yoga poses — to help energy move in a certain way to get in touch with different levels of consciousness through the body.
The chakra system is the backbone of tantra. It helps you map different states of consciousness and levels of the universe onto your body. Anything you want to know, understand or control about the universe — you can know, understand or control it through your body. You do different asanas corresponding with different chakras. You do meditation focused on those chakras, and send breath to them with pranayama [a set of breathing techniques and exercises].
Your teacher might give you a set of practices to work with a certain chakra for six months, to focus your mind with everything you have on that chakra. On the island, a lot of us spend four hours per day, and some people spend eight hours per day devoted to practice.
But no matter what I’m working on, some things I always do include seated forward bend, which works on muladhara chakra. I’ll hold the pose for ten minutes and feel completely energized. Then I’ll do something like a physical lock on my abdomen to move energy up, move around heavy energy. And headstand and a meditation.
We use this practice to move through the world with greater ease. It’s not about grasping after peak experiences.
LYDIA: I attended one of your workshops on yoga, and another workshop on sexual ritual, which was based on what you’ve learned at your school. But your school is controversial with regards to sexuality. There are a lot of accusations about sexual harassment, for example.
So in general, I’m curious about how sexuality is practiced there. How much of a role does sexual ritual play in your day-to-day practice, and how does it integrate with the rest of your practice?
One thing I remember from that workshop is that the spiritual sexuality you observe is a challenging physical practice. It’s a fairly long ritual that’s intended to move energy, so it seems like it would be hard to do that daily. You mentioned something in class about doing it twice a month.
ANANYA: This is always controversial about tantra. In the West, it’s become about sex, even though those practices are only a tiny part of the tradition. But I do love the way my school has integrated sexuality as part of spiritual practice.
In all spiritual traditions, there’s this question of what to do with sexual energy. Many traditions say you have to be celibate because otherwise it will take you away from God. In my spiritual practice, what we work on is being aware of that desire, not being controlled by it, and using this energy for specific purposes.
In order to make sexuality part of spiritual practice, it needs to be done with a certain intention. What I taught in the workshop you attended was one of the most complex rituals we do. There are simpler ones. I can’t make a long elaborate ritual every day, but there is a basic framework that can be used anytime.
In practice, what this means is directing our desire up to sahasrara, the crown chakra: Not engaging in sex simply for pleasure or procreation, but for union, for falling into unconditional love with yourself and your partner.
“All these other things I do — the asana, the meditation, the pranayama — they didn’t open to me, I didn’t fully believe, until I had some success with the sexual practice. When I saw what my energy did there, I got it.”
It’s one of the most powerful parts of the practice because sexuality is super powerful. All these other things I do — the asana, the meditation, the pranayama — they didn’t open to me, I didn’t fully believe, until I had some success with the sexual practice. When I saw what my energy did there, I got it. You start to see how all the rest of the practice supports you in making love in a more conscious, liberated, loving way.
LYDIA: Another thing I learned from reading reviews is that there are some unusual Western influences on leaders of your school — those influences include Aleister Crowley and occult traditions. Since the modern occult world influenced your school, I’m curious about how you think of occult practice and occult spirituality.
ANANYA: Occultism is definitely something I struggle with. That’s not where my interest lies. And yet it’s interesting that it comes up here, because I think in some sense, Western occultism could be a natural evolution or outgrowth of Indian tantra. There are overt connections — Tantra, imported to Europe, influenced occult practitioners, and some of them spent time in India.
For much of its history, people had an instinctive pushback reaction to aspects of tantra, and I’m realizing as I speak now that I have a similar reaction to the occult. I don’t know much about it, but I am aware that this is one of the many sources of influence on my teacher.
I think what I can say about my school is that there is purity of intention. There’s a very strong commitment to higher consciousness and greater understanding and love. It’s a practice aimed at helping us live fuller, richer, more connected lives, even if it incorporates things I don’t fully agree with.
LYDIA: You were raised in a conservative Episcopalian tradition. How would you compare this to the tradition you grew up in?
ANANYA: In my small town, religion was a very black-and-white, moralistic understanding of the world. But when I came to this spiritual practice, it healed my relationship with my birth religion.
“When I came to this spiritual practice, it healed my relationship with my birth religion… A lot of the words my teacher says about spiritual practice, I find my mother saying about her deep devotional Episcopalian practice.”
I started to understand what Episcopalianism was trying to do from a whole different perspective. I can really appreciate the beautiful parts. A lot of the words my teacher says about spiritual practice, I find my mother saying about her deep devotional Episcopalian practice.
What’s amazing about spiritual practice is that it can unite all these religions. I’m grateful that I came to this spiritual place to have this healing with my mother. There are a lot of really beautiful rituals in Episcopalianism. And originally, Episcopalians were the rebellious ones! It’s a splinter faith from Catholicism.
LYDIA: Do you have a notion of God?
ANANYA: As a scientist, my scientist self would tell you, no. I’m not attached to the idea that there’s a force outside myself that is God.
But also as a scientist, there was always something mysterious about life, and that’s why I was in science! At the end of the day we are just empty space — how do we even function?
There’s lots of things we don’t know about the universe. This mystery is really what I conceive of as the divine, as God. Scientists have talked about this, and in tantra they talk about this. The kind of tantra I practice is non-dual — that you are actually divine, there is not a deity outside yourself. They say to meditate on the mystery of your being, and there you will find God.
“There’s lots of things we don’t know about the universe. This mystery is really what I conceive of as the divine, as God. Scientists have talked about this, and in tantra they talk about this.”
LYDIA: Do your scientific methodologies or frameworks reflect back on your spiritual practice?
ANANYA: The thing about yoga is that it’s experimental. The way I see this practice is that it’s one big experiment with life. Instead of having to go to a lab and inhale fumes that are potentially dangerous for my health and the environment, I can play with my reality anywhere. My teacher comes from an engineering background, and he always says: “Don’t believe everything I say, go try it for yourself.”
I like to say I went from chemistry to alchemy.
LYDIA: I think a lot about the scientific method with regards to spirituality. It’s hard because you’re working on yourself, you’re not working on the outside world. There’s no objective data, there’s no control, so trying to get a handle on what’s happening can be very hard. Do you have any thoughts on that?
ANANYA: We can and do perform spiritual practice in a rigorous, determined, thoughtful, methodological way, but trying to impose a scientific framework on spiritual practice is missing the point. I don’t try to do that at all.
“Trying to impose a scientific framework on spiritual practice is missing the point.”
Spiritual practice is way beyond science. Science comes around and proves things spiritual practitioners have known for thousands of years.
The scientific method was designed to get objective results that someone else can reproduce — artificially creating a specific set of conditions. Spiritual practice is about looking at things in the context of the whole and surrendering to what is, and each person will have their own path. Spirituality doesn’t need the scientific method.
LYDIA: What’s the island like as a home, and how long do you plan to stay there?
ANANYA: The island is like a crossroads for people from all over the world to explore facets of life that aren’t common elsewhere. Healing techniques, psychological techniques, different kinds of dance. You can get insanely busy there, but it’s also a great place to hole up in your house and practice. Life is very simple on a practical level.
I try not to have a normal everyday life there, because I’m interested in being more than doing. It’s a little bit like being on a long retreat, although we are still in the world. I’m always practicing in everything I do.
My goal is to step outside the normal life of always consuming and just be, just sit. Who am I underneath all this?
I’ve been there for two years, and I’m not sure how long I’ll stay — until it’s time to leave. At some point, you just know.
The teacher says that usually after ten years people have learned all he has to teach. I don’t envision staying that long. I’d like to find a way to integrate into the West while maintaining this awareness, this quietness, not chasing endlessly after the next sensory pleasure.
I really wish for everyone to know that there’s a better way we could be relating to each other. A lot of people struggle with desire and intimacy, wanting to connect and doing it in ways that are unhealthy. This practice has brought all of that into the light for me.
Why don’t we all get all this information as teenagers? But it seems like the world isn’t ready. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to be the trailblazer, but I really feel like if we can heal each other on this level, then we can heal a lot of other things.
LYDIA: Yeah, I think a lot about spirituality education. I often thought after my Ridiculous Spiritual Awakening in 2016 that, “Nobody told me.”
ANANYA: I think that sometimes too! But I think really, people were trying to tell me, and I wasn’t ready.
Note: The original intro to this interview contained a link to a review of Agama Yoga that stated that the head teacher has a long history of sexual intimidation and harassment. I removed this link from the introduction after Ananya sent me a message pointing out that the accusations are from some time ago. She stated, “Those accusations concerned a particular teacher who runs his own center elsewhere and is not based here. This teacher no longer teaches at Agama and we have a code of ethics around tantra massage.”
I moved the link down here, to the bottom, because I agree that Agama should be given space to recover, having taken steps to address the issue. If anyone else has further information please feel free to get in touch.
Learn more about Lydia Laurenson and Spirituality X by clicking here.
