Over Them Mountains: The soon-to-be legend of Nickfolean Dynamite
It was horrible to watch. A promising quarterback leading a team that was primed for a playoff push, only to have his season wiped away in an instant by injury. Where could his team, which had relied so heavily on their star for so long and now had to start an obscure backup QB, find themselves at season’s end?
For the replacements of both Drew Bledsoe in 2001 and Carson Wentz in 2018, the answer is right to the damn Super Bowl.
It’s okay if you haven’t heard of Nick Foles yet. He’s a pretty unassuming guy who looks a little too much like a movie character you really don’t want to resemble, and rode the bench all year in Philadelphia in favor of a 25-year-old wunderkind until his team had literally no other options.
In 2001, you likely wouldn’t have heard of Tom Brady. He didn’t look like an awkward movie character, but his pre-Draft measureables were pretty funny in their own right. Look at this dude. Here he is about to blast off for what would be a 5.28 second 40-yard dash. But none of that stuff mattered. When the incumbent Bledsoe went down early in the 2001 season, Brady led the New England Patriots to a Super Bowl Victory over a successful veteran quarterback of the St. Louis Rams in Kurt Warner.
Since taking over as the full-time starter after Wentz went down for the year, Foles has thrown eight touchdowns to only two interceptions while leading the Eagles to a 5–1 record. In his two two most recent games — both playoff wins — he achieved quarterback ratings of 100.1 and 141.4. I feel like I’m not making myself clear:
Nick Foles is the next Tom Brady, and we’re about to watch the coming out party of his indomitable superstardom.
Foles is even starting out on slightly higher ground than Brady did back in the day. Nickfolean actually made a Pro Bowl when he was last with the Eagles, after throwing 27 touchdowns and two interceptions in 2013. Two! That’s what Eli Manning calls a rough-and-tumble first quarter. He eventually landed a starting gig with the Rams, but that didn’t work out mainly because ownership hired Jeff Fisher to tank and grease the skids from St. Louis to Los Angeles. My man got a bad rap, but he’s coming.
He’ll beat the Patriots on Sunday because his incredible protection of the ball will keep Brady off the field and facing long drives, just as Brady kept the Greatest Show on Turf off said turf back in 2002. His team’s defensive line will rattle the 40-year-old, and the new young shining gun of the league will make the throws when he has to. I’m not sure how he’ll do it, but by God this guy is going to outduel Brady.
But that moment — when he’s standing on the podium awkwardly holding the Vince Lombardi trophy — isn’t even when the Nick Foles Experience will be at its peak. No no, this guy is going become the hottest trade commodity of the summer, only building on his budding legacy. It stems from his funky contract. Even though the deal is technically for five years, Foles can void it completely and legally if he remains on the Eagles roster past February 19th. This is to essentially ensure that Foles wouldn’t be forced to the bench for five years if he proved himself capable of being a starter. And since we know he’s soon to be NFL-Champion-Brady-slayer Nick Foles, we just better start lining up potential trade partners now.
I expect Jacksonville to get into the mix. The Jaguars are suddenly close to being Super Bowl contenders, and badly need a competent signal caller. They have a bunch of young guys that they wish they could have traded for Jimmy Garoppolo, and will be one of many teams bidding for the expensive work of Kirk Cousins in the offseason. Isn’t the greatest quarterback of all time a better option anyway? Don’t act like he wouldn’t do great in the Florida sun.
From there, it’s pretty much gravy for Nickfolean. He can ride a great defense and a great coach to a few Super Bowls, pulls one or two out of his ass, and can celebrate being called the the Greatest of All Time by opening up his own bullshit training center that eventually divides the team he plays for from within — only to have a new young quarterback take him down on the biggest stage. As is tradition.
