The Foolproof Guide To Winning The Royal Rumble
WWE’s 27th annual Royal Rumble is this Sunday (January 25th), and if you’re Kofi Kingston, you have no chance on winning it. Until now.
by Jameel Raeburn
Have you not won the Royal Rumble? Are you tired of literally walking on your hands, using a chair as a pogo stick, and leaping 9–10 feet from the barricade to the ring to save yourself from elimination, only to be dumped out by goobers like Cody Rhodes or Sheamus? Look no further, because it’s a new day and I’ve compiled a list of sure-fire, foolproof methods to ensure your victory in Royal Rumble so you too can wield the power to point to the large Wrestlemania sign and set off it’s pyro-exploding mechanism.
Just like any other match in your career, the Royal Rumble requires strategy to win. However in this case, when there’s 29 other men featured the same match with the same exact goal, you’ll need to adapt a few more cunning strategies to make sure your feet doesn’t touch the floor.
With that said, in assembling this guide I’ve scanned through the last 27 years of the Royal Rumble history (literally scanning, because some of these aren’t as exciting as I remember), and have thus compiled a list of the best techniques used to ensure victory and nothing less.
01. Absolutely one foot. ONE foot.
Shawn Michaels is arguably the best performer in the history of professional wrestling, and as every WWE-produced video package will tell you, his performance in the 1995 Royal Rumble, entering at No. 1 and winning the entire thing, is one of the greatest performances in the event’s history. What they won’t tell you is that the 1995 Royal Rumble match was literally one of the shortest Royal Rumbles in history. As opposed to the now standard 90 seconds between entrants, this year’s Rumble featured a man running out every 60 seconds. Albeit an impressive feat to survive 29 other competitors, Shawn Michaels’ win clocked in at just under 39 minutes. There are superstars who have never won the Royal Rumble that have lasted longer than Shawn’s 1995 performance.
Nonetheless, the thrilling conclusion saw British Bulldog send Michaels flying over the top rope in what we thought was a victory for Davey Boy Smith. But with incredible luck (and admirable savvy), Michaels only allowed one of his feet to touch the ground, so technically he wasn’t eliminated. Within moments he’d slide back in, shove Bulldog off the top rope in the midst of his premature celebration, and the boyhood dream would be realized. The one-foot rule has been used sparsely since then, with very few superstars even finding themselves in that position. It makes me wonder why Zach Gowen never made it to a Royal Rumble match.
02. Screw The Rules
Sometimes you’ve got to screw the rules to win. And even if you don’t win, screwing the rules is fun as hell. X-Pac has been part of the Kliq, nWo, and DX — so yeah, he’s been screwing the rules his entire career and “Stone Cold” Steve Austin redefined an era by screwing the rules.
At one time pegged to be the lightest man to ever enter the match(I sure hope that was never the case), X-Pac made it to the final four in the 2000 Royal Rumble alongside The Rock, Big Show, and Kane. At one point, The Rock tossed X-Pac over the top rope to eliminate him from the match, but with the referees preoccupied by another matter — they completely missed it and X-Pac quickly rolled back into the ring. Like a cat on his second life, X-Pac took advantage of the opportunity by easily eliminating the 7-foot monster Kane from the Rumble (X-Pac screwing over Kane was a recurring theme at this point). Unfortunately for X-Pac, Big Show would crush cat lives 2 through 9 with Gorilla Press drop over the top rope to eliminate him once and for all.
X-Pac’s tactic may have gotten him to the final three, but it didn’t take him to the promise land like it did “Stone Cold” Steve Austin in 1997. Before his big face turn at Wrestlemania 13, Austin was an aggressive heel whose lack of apathy for the rules was starting to catch on with the late 90’s audience who was searching for that anti-hero to rally behind. Austin made it to the final five in the Royal Rumble, and like X-Pac, he too was eliminated despite no official call from the referee. In a matter of moments, he returned back into the ring and dumped the remaining four men over the top to secure his first of three Royal Rumble victories (a Royal Rumble record).
03. Spend the entire time on the floor
The only way you can be eliminated from the Royal Rumble is going over the top rope. Fortunately enough for everyone there’s two other ropes below it and as long as you don’t exit the ring over the top one, you’re fine. You can literally exit the ring, wait for other people to be eliminated, and pick your spot to re-enter. If we didn't have to suspend disbelief for this crap, we’d wonder why the hell are these guys killing themselves for nearly an hour.
With that said, from time to time we've had superstars hang around on the outside. Most notably in 1996, Jerry Lawler spent more than half of the 36 minutes he was featured in the Royal Rumble hiding under the ring. In 2011, Santino was knocked out under the bottom rope and when it appeared Del Rio won the Royal Rumble — he re-emerged with a head full of steam and a hand full of Cobra. Unfortunately for them (and thankfully for us) neither man would take home the prize.
But in 1999, it was the Chairman of the company Vince McMahon who entered his first (and only non-quad blowing Royal Rumble appearance) to ensure that his arch-nemesis “Stone Cold” Steve Austin didn't make it to the main event of Wrestlemania. He spent about 90% of his time on the outside, attempting to permanently injure Austin — but of course his plan would backfire when Austin returned to the ring and cleaned house. The Texas Rattlesnake would drag McMahon back into the ring, but fall victim to Corporate interference which gave McMahon the opening to toss him right over the top rope. That’s right kids, Vince McMahon actually won a Royal Rumble.
04. Never underestimate the power of the distraction
Nothing has been more infuriating in the past decade than the ol’ time-and-tested, yet completely overused, distraction finish. The fact that any distraction (no matter how mild it is) could leave you in enough of a stupor to lose the match is pretty pathetic, and it’s surprisingly happening more in this era than it has in the past.
With that said, distraction eliminations are quite common and have actually led to Royal Rumble winners over the last 27 years. In the 1992 Royal Rumble, the only Royal Rumble match with the WWE Championship on the line, Sid Justice eliminated Hulk Hogan fair and square. Resulting from that would be one of the pettiest moves in Royal Rumble history. An infuriated Hogan would grab Sid Justice’s hand and yank him out the ring just as Flair dumped him over. Ric Flair would win the Royal Rumble match and the WWE Championship with the greatest of odds against him.
Other scenarios saw The Rock distract “Stone Cold” Steve Austin to give Mr. McMahon his Royal Rumble 1999 victory. And in non-victories, who could forget The Undertaker’s ominous presence in 2004 leading to the elimination of Kane in the 2004 Royal Rumble.
05. Keep the room fill ups to a minimum
The less men in the ring, the less opportunity for someone to sneak up from behind and toss you over the top rope. Now, it’s incredibly hard to eliminate a person every 90 seconds…. that is, unless you’re the Best in the World.
CM Punk has never won the Royal Rumble, but 2010 may have been his personal best performance as he racked up five eliminations back-to-back-to-back. Entering at #3 he cleared the ring of Evan Bourne & Dolph Ziggler, with enough time to spare to make an attempt to sway the masses towards the Straight Edge lifestyle. JTG, Zack Ryder, and the first female-entrant in over a decade, Beth Phoenix would charge down to the ring but they too would all find themselves disposed of by CM Punk. Sadly, Punk would never realize his Wrestlemania main event dreams as they would be crushed by Triple H of all people. Oh, the irony is delicious.
06. Surprise entrant
The best strategy to win the Royal Rumble could be one of mystery. The fact no one knows you’re in the Royal Rumble and they haven’t prepared may give you the greatest advantage of them all. The first surprise entrant in the Royal Rumble was Bob Backlund back in 2000, who hadn't wrestled a WWE match in a number of years, when came back and started crossface chickenwing’ing everyone.
In recent years, the Royal Rumble has started guaranteeing surprise entrants with every passing year purely for nostalgia factor. A few years ago, it was Diesel making his first non-Kevin Nash appearance in WWE since the mid-90s and last year it was NXT’s Rusev making his debut and color commentator John “Bradshaw” Layfield entering the ring. None of them had any chance in hell of winning.
But credible and relevant surprise entrants have won the Royal Rumble in the past. Both multi-time World Champions John Cena and Edge have made their returns from injuries at the Royal Rumble event and gone on to win the entire thing. The former was perhaps the most surprising, as a pectoral injury projected Cena to be on the shelf for seven months to a year. Little did we know at the time that Cena heals at twice the speed of a normal man, and four months after going under the knife, he returned as the 30th entrant in the 2008 Royal Rumble to win the entire thing.
As a special precaution, here’s things you DON’T want to do as it will hinder your Rumble chances.
01. Be a giant
Every year the question is asked: “Whose gonna be able to get [Insert Giant Wrestler Here] over the top rope”. Ever year, [Insert Giant Wrestler Here] goes flying over the top rope. R.I.P. Yokozuna, the only colossal wrestler to ever win the Royal Rumble.
02. Be part of a tag team (it never works)
Every man for themselves, which likely means your tag team partner will be the one to f**k you over.
03. Pull a cool Kofi Kingston-esque stunt
Not that anything’s wrong with making a Royal Rumble moment with a cool spot, Kofi Kingston’s practically made a whole career out of it. But there’s no chance of victory if you’re Kofi Kingston.
04. Be an announcer
*facepalm*
Here’s to hoping this guide has helped you win your way to the main event of Wrestlemania and the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. If not, see my future fool-proof guide on what to do when you've won the Money in the Bank briefcase
