How Can We Keep Kink-Dynamics Alive In Steady Relationships?
How to maintain the mystery and move from ‘real-life’ to ‘power-play’, and back again
I’m fresh out of the shower, tiptoeing anxiously around my apartment when I finally receive the text: He’s on his way and I have thirty minutes. I slip into something barely there and make sure everything’s in order; candles are lit, music is on, drinks are poured. By the time my buzzer rings I’m supple, slick, and swollen; halfway in subspace already. The familiar tingly warmth that has been building at my root rises with the sound of my Dom’s footsteps up the stairwell. He stops and slides my door open. A blanket of goosebumps spreads across my skin. Then, the moment our eyes meet — BAM — it’s on!
As insinuated in this scene, it’s easy to slide into these hierarchical dominant/submissive roles with occasional or casual lovers; when we’re not involved in each other’s daily lives and stresses. When we meet only to play we see each other at our best, and we’re often in character from the moment we lock eyes.
But, what about when we live together? When we share beds, bills, responsibilities, and perhaps even children together? On most days, as equal partners supporting each other through ups and downs, we might deal with questions like:
