The Ego, Shame & BDSM
Can humiliation lead to healthier egos and better mental health?
— So, what kind of screwed up childhood experiences brought you here?
A friend in the BDSM scene asked me this question, with a wink, as we were getting to know each other a few years back.
— Ha! I laughed back at him while knowing there was a layer of seriousness to his question. Are you suggesting everyone in this community come here to deal with our issues? What if I’m just here because I like it? Do I have to be messed up in some way?
— Well, we’re all here for a reason, my friend continued. It doesn’t have to be all that dark, but there’s usually some explanation as to why someone enjoys being tied up, spanked, or humiliated, and why others derive pleasure from inflicting pain. If we weren’t confronting ‘something’, we’d be satisfied with plain-old vanilla sex, right?
I had to sit with his words for a bit, but after further thinking, I realized that yes, there are deeper reasons why I like what I like, and these can, perhaps, be traced back to how I was brought up, and some might spring from beliefs that have been ingrained in me later. Am I using BDSM as a way to confront internalized shame? I decided to take a deeper look.
