5 Commandments to Woo Voters & Win Elections
Sadaf Hussain explains the cardinal rules to election campaigning against the backdrop of the UP Elections.
It was the summer of 2001 and I was on my way to a circus with my father on his brown colored Bajaj scooter. We reached the venue and sat in the front row, where I had a clear view of everything. I was super excited to see my first circus and what would happen inside the colourful tent. Suddenly, the music rang out, and the circus began. I saw the ringmaster come into the ring with his elephants, while others came in on cycles. A few girls came in with flowers which they were handing out. Performers were wearing very loud and brightly coloured clothes.
The performers started enticing us with their tricks, the clowns entertained with their mockery of each other. As a 12-year-old, I was drawn into the environment and the drama and from that year onward, I started going to these circus every year. Even when I became older and knew exactly what was going to happen, it was fun to be at the event and I never complained.
Now, I enjoy a different kind of circus. People in white kurtas come in on their cycles and their elephants, with flowers or empty-handed, to entice to the public, performing different kinds of tricks and making a mockery of each other. From the real circus to the political circus, nothing much has changed except the ‘dress code’. We all know what to expect, and that it is the same performance we will get to see year after year but we still cannot stop ourselves from believing in the performer. Even when they pull us into their con with their words and stories, and we recognize the patterns, we say “chalo koi baat nai, this year there might be new stunts and new performances”.
Performers can only win your hearts (or votes) if they are able to enchant you and hit all the right spots. So people who are amateurs or planning to get into the great Indian political circus must treat my commandments like words written in stone.
1. Thou shalt con your audience by presenting misleading facts
This is the most important commandment if one wants to win the election. Human beings suffer from short term memory. We are less informed about political market, and the performers must utilise this to their benefit. For example, according to a report in First Post, Akhilesh Yadav made the claim that he provided 16–18 hours of power to villages (30 km south-east from Muzaffarnagar), whereas a local resident Mohammed Taleem said they received electricity only for 10–12 hours a day.
But facts like these don’t really matter because who cares? “Koi nai, thoda fact hi to galat bola hai, look at his intentions. He will definitely bring electricity in town and villages.”
2. Thou shalt use un-parliamentary language
Having control is very important, and if you come up with all kinds of insults and below-the-belt jokes during election, rest assured that you have done your job of campaigning quite well. Civil languages in parliament, but once you are out of parliament, NO HOLDS BARRED! Hurl abuses and bring each other down. Sakshi Maharraj, Amit Shah, Narendra Modi, Mayawati, Akhilesh Yadav or Donald Trump (this list is endless) are all masters of this art. They have also come up with acronyms like KASAB and SCAM to define each other (these are the more sophisticated ones, others just call each other ‘donkey’ and get it over with).
3. Thou shalt be a good story teller
Let’s face this, nobody likes lousy and boring orator. You need to have the charm and charisma and of course a strong back story. Modi and Trump won the election not because of their spectacular looks or their amazing policy ideas, but because one was chaiwala and the other was a tiewala. People like the stories, especially if the story gives you hope. If you focus and look carefully you’ll realize ab ache din aane wale hai.
4. Thou shalt have a dress code (kurtas works the best)
Even a tall charismatic minister like Shashi Tharoor wears a kurta, so should you. But if you are Justin Trudeau, you can wear whatever you want, nobody cares.
5. Thou shalt be a people-pleaser
It’s not just caste-based politics that won our cyclewala, phoolwala or chaiwala the election. They are just pleasing different sets of people which happens to be the majority. By playing on people’s fear and sense of identity, they are able to leverage the votes of these groups of people, creating a phantom enemy works well too, then everyone bands together and cowers behind you, as you shout out tales of how you’ll beat them back with your might and strength.
So all you amateur and wannabe politicians, take my blessings, follow these commandments, win the election and send some sweets to me.
Sadaf Hussain is a graduate in Advertising from St. Xavier’s College. He also holds a Masters degree in Animation. At CCS, he works on conceptualisation and implementation and partnership of their outreach programs and public policy courses. When not working, Sadaf enjoys cooking, photography, traveling, meeting new people, and reading Austrian Economics.
