The Dreamer’s Team
“LeBron leaps high and taps it down to AB de Villiers, who fires a handball out to Bolt, Bolt takes off and kicks looong to the goalsquare, it spills to ground level and Federer snaps the goal!! What class from the Fed!”
You can just imagine Bruce working himself into a frenzy if such a play occurred. If only the AFL had the global pull of other sports, or if these superstar athletes had been born and raised playing footy in Australia. We have seen a few attempted ‘code-hoppers’ in recent times with Karmichael Hunt and Israel Folau being largely unsuccessful. However, Erin Phillips just dominated the AFLW despite being a WNBA champion and is returning to the US to play basketball again later this year. Players of all shapes, sizes and skill-sets can thrive in the AFL and it makes you wonder what would a team of code-hoppers look like.
Selection Criteria:
- The goal was to choose players from as wide a range of sports as possible so as not to load the team full of athletes from one code
- It is assumed that the players selected will increase their fitness to AFL requirements. AFL is a highly aerobic game, unlike basketball or rugby, which feature sprint-stop fitness and less on aerobic endurance. So it is unlikely an NBA player could last a quarter of AFL — their bodies are not trained for the same running requirements. We will imagine that if selected, a sprint athlete would have the endurance to run out a game.
- Players can be picked on their athletic ability, dominance at their own sport, their mindset, or just whether they look like they would be good at the Australian game.
Full Backs
A strong full back line, with players possessing strong defensive attributes and determined mentality.
Johnathan Thurston (Rugby League)
Thurston’s rugby background means he will be a fierce tackler, but he is also a skilled player who won’t waste the ball coming out of defence. The four-time Dally M Medalist will be a modern-type backman, similar to Corey Enright. He is adept at stopping an opponent, but also excels with the ball in hand and launching counter-attacks.
Manuel Neuer (Soccer)
Manuel Neuer is an obvious choice at fullback — the Bayern Munich goalkeeper is tall, aggressive and quick to run off his line to shut down attacks. He is often known to venture far away from his goal, taking adventurous touches to round an opponent, hence he will enjoy the freedom of not having to stay in his goal-square as much.
Rory McIlroy (Golf)
Rory McIlroy is a fierce competitor on the golf course, who will relish being able to physically play against small forwards. Not a lot of skills translate from golf to football, but Rory is a dedicated professional, who would be happy to play a role in the backline to help his side win.
Half Backs
The halfbacks need to be good defenders, but also have the skill level to create when going forward. A mix of footy smarts, determination and defensive mindset are chosen here.
Rafael Nadal (Tennis)
Rafa would very annoying to play on — a fighter who will never give up an easy possession; he could also play as a tagger. Nadal was a promising soccer player as a junior, which would help his transition to AFL. It is often forgotten that Nadal is a freakish natural talent because of his hard working style. He is virtually ambidextrous, writing with his right hand and playing tennis with his left — a move his uncle encouraged him to make, so Nadal will excel with both his feet. His left foot would be particularly damaging, however, much like his forehand. The rivalry between him and Federer would be magnificent to see on the footy field, I imagine Federer would finally lose his cool and want to hurt Nadal with every tackle.
Tom Brady (NFL)
Tom Brady will play the quarterback role in the backline… kind of an obvious selection. He may need to work on the defensive side of his game, having never played on the defensive team, but with ball in hand he will hit targets that others don’t see. Brady would be the marshall of the backline, directing other players and being the main distributor of the ball. However, the five-time superbowl champion might be disappointed by the AFL Grand Final’s halftime entertainment when compared to his standards.
David Pocock (Rugby Union)
Pocock is another player who will hurt people with his tackle and will add some toughness to the backline. He will never shirk a contest and would lay shepherds that allowed guys like Brady the time to hit a target. Nobody would dare try to side step him, knowing he wouldn’t miss a tackle. He would also be incredibly difficult to tackle, being built like the proverbial brick shithouse.
Wings
Two elite athletes who, in different ways, will give pace and run on the outside.
Cadel Evans (Cycling)
Cadel would never stop running and is sure to eventually wear down his opponent through shear aerobic capacity. Whilst at the AIS, Evans was shown to have abnormally high lung volume and able to absorb more oxygen from each breath than 99.9% of the population, meaning he will outlast any opponent. Evans would be a nightmare to play on, constantly following you and running off when his team has the ball, knowing he will never tire.
Usain Bolt (Athletics)
All the team would need to do is give Bolt some space and he would be unstoppable — he could get the ball on the wing and kick a goal within a few seconds. The tactic would be: play Bolt as a forward when the ball is in the backline, kick over the top of the zone and let Bolt run the length of the ground to goal. If he was giving up twenty metres, he would still beat anyone trying to chase him. And even if someone was in his way, good luck tackling a 195cm man built of muscle travelling at the speed of light. Would just need to make sure he could still bounce the ball when moving so fast.
Ruck
LeBron James (Basketball)
LeBron had to be in this team, the only question was where. At 203 cm and with a huge vertical leap, he would dominate in the ruck, but could also easily play at centre half forward, or centre half back. He would be given a licence to back himself and take the game on just as he does in basketball. He would be able to split packs apart as well as avoid tackles with agility not seen for his size in the AFL. The Mark of the Year award would be renamed in his honour by the end of his career.
Midfielders
Russell Westbrook (Basketball)
Russell Westbrook provides that shear pace and aggression needed in the midfield. He is known for his ability to drive to the basket and force his way through a defence, perfect skills for football. He has the power to grab the ball from a clearance and burst through tacklers like they weren’t there, a la Dangerfield. Westbrook is another player that would relish the physicality of footy and is known for his white-line fever and competitive edge.
AB de Villiers (Cricket)
De Villiers is a freak athlete who is capable of picking up anything; I wouldn’t be surprised if he is already on an AFL list somewhere. As a junior, de Villiers was brilliant at golf, tennis and rugby as well as cricket. He would be a good, tough, inside midfielder whose off-field friendliness would give way to a competitive streak on the field. AB would also be in charge of penning the club song, having released a musical album in 2010 just to rub in the fact that he is better at everything than you.
Connor McGregor (UFC)
McGregor would add to the grunt of the midfield, specialising in winning the hard ball and tackling hard. He would be a fearsome competitor — certainly no opposition player would dare fire him up. He would play the role as protector to other players to ensure the skilful, but less physical, players weren’t targeted by the opposition. He could also be a lethal tagger — making sure his man earned every kick and would inflict pain whenever he got the chance. Known for his trash-talk, McGregor would never back down from a contest, but would likely be suspended for much of the season.
Half Forwards
The team has an abundance of skilful, aggressive players who are creative, but also tough competitors.
Jamie Dwyer (Hockey)
Whilst he is 38, in his prime he was a brilliant hockey player, a main reason behind Australia’s recent success in the sport. He could easily play in the midfield, but would be a smart player in the forward line and creating for other players. Growing up in Queensland, he is a Brisbane Lions fan and they could’ve definitely used a man of his talent around goal for the past few seasons.
Diego Costa (Soccer)
Diego Costa is a big, angry, mean centre-half forward in the mould of Dermott Brereton or Jonathon Brown. He would not make a lot of friends from other teams, and may at times give away bad free kicks, but could tear a game apart with his physical presence in the forward line. Costa is a divisive figure — he is hated by all but Chelsea players and fans, but that is what makes him suited to AFL, he has a bit of mongrel and the determination to win no matter what it takes.
Cristiano Ronaldo (Soccer)
If it weren’t for Messi, Ronaldo would be considered the greatest soccer player of his generation, indeed some still think he is. But his talent is wasted on soccer — he could’ve been a brilliant half forward in the AFL. Ronaldo could play as a medium forward who would back himself to beat anyone in a one on one, using his flair and dazzling skills to go past an opponent. Similarly to Steve Johnson, if he is in range of the goals he will not pass it, meaning that Ronaldo will kick goal of the year regularly, but will also have missed a lot of attempts. Ronaldo’s main concern would be that he can’t take all the free kicks himself, but would have to enjoy watching his teammates finish his hard work sometimes.
Full Forwards
A combination of brash, aggressive, heart-on-their-sleeve players, with a man of pure class gives the team a potent forward line.
Virat Kohli (Cricket)
Virat Kohli is the archetypal annoying small forward, think Hayden Ballantyne. He would constantly harass, irritate and aggravate defenders. He would definitely not be popular to anyone but his own teammates and fans, but effective in hassling and pressurising defenders and kicking sneaky goals. Despite his small stature, Kohli would never back down from a fight, in fact he would look for excuses to start a fight at any chance he got. Kohli owns a professional soccer team and is a franchise owner in the International Premier Tennis League, which shows he is interested in many sports, he just needs to be shown AFL. He has also played in charity soccer matches, which would help his transition. His recent declaration that he will not make friends with Australians could be problematic for his inclusion in this sport, but I’m sure the great game of AFL will bring even Kohli into the loving embrace of Australian crowds.
Nick Kyrgios (Tennis)
Another controversial player in Kyrgios is selected, he fills the role of the brilliantly talented, but fatally flawed full forward — reminiscent of Brendan Fevola. A tall (193cm) forward who is dazzling when at his best, but has the capacity for brain-fades and can go missing for whole quarters. Already a talented basketballer and follower of North Melbourne in the AFL, Kygrios could easily adjust to the demands of the AFL. He may struggle playing under a coach in a team environment, which is very foreign to what he does now. He would probably not be renowned for his defensive pressure, but when in the mood could win a match in a quarter and kick ridiculous goals.
Roger Federer — Captain (Tennis)
He balances the forward line nicely and will make sure Virat and Kyrgios don’t completely lose the plot. He would be similar to Mark Lecras, clever around goals and making things look easy without a bead of sweat. Federer would also be the captain of the side, in a team full of leaders and egos, Federer stands alone as the most humble and respected both on and off the field. Federer’s involvement ensures that this team would be loved by all, in fact it would be difficult to know who to barrack for if he and Bob Murphy were opposing captains.
Bench
Mack Horton (Swimming)
Mack Horton would be a back-up tall forward. He would use his huge wingspan and hands to be a marking threat anywhere on the ground. Horton was famously outspoken about competitor Sun Yang’s history of being caught using performance enhancing drugs, so would not help the AFL’s attempted push into the Chinese market.
Mo Farah (Athletics)
Mo Farah is another endurance athlete who can run all day. His lack of size probably limits him to being more of an outside winger, but could also be an effective tagger who would beat anyone’s aerobic ability with ease. Despite winning four gold medals and being knighted by the Queen, I’m sure his most honourable moment would be running out for his first game of AFL.
Bernard Tomic (Tennis)
Tomic would be a similar player to Kyrgios — he needs a good coach to ensure he is properly motivated to win, but could also pinch-hit in the ruck to give LeBron a rest. Bernie may find it hard to buy into the team atmosphere, but would probably enjoy being more of a bit-player so there was less scrutiny on his performance every day.
Lionel Messi (Soccer)
Messi will make up for his lack of size with freakish skill and ball-handling. He is the type of player that not only can never be tackled, but would not even be touched by an opponent. He would weave in and out of defenders and be incredibly creative when kicking into the forward line. At only 171cm, he would rely on the bigger, more physical players to give him outside ball, but that shouldn’t be a problem in this team.
Coach
Gregg Popovich (Basketball)
He has experience in bringing players from different backgrounds and nationalities to play together without worrying about their own egos. It would be a very difficult job to manage such personalities — players like Ronaldo, LeBron and Kyrgios would find it difficult to not be the centre of attention all the time. He is known as a difficult man to interview, often berating journalists for asking stupid questions and giving answers that are as short as possible. He would be sure to offer a no-nonsense approach and wouldn’t butter up players’ egos — he would make tough decisions like dropping Ronaldo, if he thought it was for the good of the team.
This team would be exhilarating to watch. There is a versatile mix of players that would lead to a deadly combination on the field. They have determined, grunt players such as Nadal and Pocock. There are naturally talented, classy players like Federer, De Villiers and Messi who would always have poise and quality with ball in hand. Then they have ‘x-factor’ type players who can light up the game in an instant — such as Bolt and Westbrook. The team would still have a hard, competitive edge and would never back down when players like Kohli and Costa got into a fight. The AFL would need to back-down from its current pay dispute with the players if they hope to reach the contract demands of most of these players — many are paid well above $20 million a season in their own code. I’m sure if these players did make the switch then the AFL would have that kind of money to burn with the extra millions of people watching the game. This team would beat any current AFL team hands down, and would be so much fun to watch doing it!
