Trading cable news for sports
For the next month, I’m giving up cable news for sports.
Let me be a little more specific. I’m not going to watch anything on CNN, Fox News, MSNBC at all. I’m also not going to watch shows that emulate such programming, like Colbert Report. Finally, I’ll tune out network shows like Meet the Press and probably even things like Good Morning America and Today, inasmuch as they cover “the news” (learning five ways to cook a Christmas ham is okay, though).
In the way of a substitution, I’m only going to watch sports. I’m looking forward to ESPN SportsCenter, I can’t wait to watch more Dan Patrick Show telecast on NBC Sports Network, I’ll probably tune into the Golf Channel from time to time. Maybe I’ll watch some extreme sports. And I’ll definitely be more diligent about catching NFL, NBA, and NCAA games during December.
This doesn’t mean I’m not going to follow the news. I’ll read the New York Times and other major newspapers. I’ll read blogs. I’ll watch some videos online. I see a lot of things on Twitter and Facebook. I’m just not going to turn on Morning Joe or Fox & Friends when I wake up, or try to stomach Rachel Maddow while I devour happy hour sliders, or pretend that Sunday morning talk shows are worth anything. They’re shit. They’re all shit.
Besides television news being almost completely devoid of interesting and informative content, it’s also trapped in the 1950's for the most part. Sure, there are some interesting charticles and diagrams and tickertapes, but most of the information in those is relatively useless to me. Most of what cable news is is people sitting around a table talking. You know what that is? Radio. Do I really need to watch a bunch of pale wonks sit around a table talking to each other in slightly raised voices? It’s an inadequate use of the television medium. It doesn’t do television justice like a bone-crushing NFL tackle or an elegant gymnastics tumble or an apocalypic movie special effect.
And, Fox News, if I want to see attractive blondes dressed in red on TV not saying anything useful, I’ll just watch USC cheerleading squad.
Now, for the caveats. Actually, not too many. Here’s one: I might watch Charlie Rose. I don’t think his show fits into the above shit. Because he doesn’t debate. He discusses. He tries to learn. He doesn’t try to get people to “reveal” little things by using a “naughty” word. He doesn’t try to get headlines or win the news cycle and then incestuously go on someone else’s show and talk about the blog post he wrote about what someone else did on his show three hours previous.
Granted, Charlie Rose’s show should be on the radio according to my argument above, but I see no reason to be entirely consistent today. It’s almost pleasant in its extreme lack of use of the television medium; at least he’s not trying to perform for television. The guy’s been wearing the same gray Ralph Lauren suit for 25 years. And I’ve been in his studio. Trust me, it really is just a table and chairs trapped within a dark glass void stretching into outer space. I’m surprised no one’s ever gotten vertigo in there and just passed out. (Or maybe they have. Cue dramatic organ music.)
My other caveat is that I will probably watch CNBC and Bloomberg. That’s different. They do different programming. And it’s related to my job because I work for a company they talk about a lot. And they talk about our competitors a lot. Plus, they have better sources at my company than I do.
So, that’s it. No more Rachel Maddow, no more Carol Costello, no more Fox & Friends Nascar/BBQ/legal-case-of-the-day-involving-crazy-person stuff. No more car chases. No more “BREAKING NEWS” about nothing. No more reports from courthouses where unexciting things are taking place. No more Ali Veshi knees-deep in a flood in Atlantic City. Just the pure, competitive nature of American sport — without all the politics mixed in. At least in sports debates, we know precisely who wins and who loses, and we know it doesn’t really mean anything. That’s what makes it so fun.
And unless you’re one of the 3,000 pundits, staffers, and bloggers whose livelihoods truly depend on being glued to every single second of the news cycle (think: Ezra Klein), I modestly suggest you give up a month of TV news and see what happens. My guess is, you’ll still know everything you’ll want to know, but you’ll get to watch a lot more sports with your friends.
