10 Good Ways to Let Kids Know Their Participation Trophies Make Them Failures

Point out the fact that you can’t spell “PARTICIPATION” without “ART,” and encourage them to give up on their hopeless athletic dreams and instead try drawing or music or something dumb and worthless like that.

Put their participation trophy on top of a 10-foot basketball rim, and then tell them they are free to have it as soon as they can jump up and get it.

Ask the child to introduce you to the kid who got the 1st place trophy. Then ask that kid if you can adopt him because your current children bring you nothing but shame.

Tell them to put their trophy up on eBay and see how much they get for it. Then after 24 hours, ask how the bids are going. Scream “YOU’RE NOT GETTING A SINGLE GODDAM OFFER, ARE YOU, BECAUSE IT’S WORTHLESS!” for added effect.

Remind them that the only thing Hitler would have gotten out of World War II is a participation trophy. But even he had the good sense to kill himself before it was offered.

Let them know that nothing great has ever been built by just participating. And, then, if they build a really cool fort or something out of nothing but participation trophies to prove you wrong, knock it down.

When they show you their trophy, say: “Afailurewonwhat?”

Ask the coach who gave your child the trophy to explain to him or her that she was given the award only because of the PC, libtardization of America has caused everyone to be celebrated for everything, even failures like your child, and that she should actually be ashamed to get the trophy, not proud.

Make sure they have at least minimum human brain function. If they do, have confidence they’ll know themselves that participation trophies aren’t the same as 1st place trophies.

Ask your kid if they think you deserve a trophy for being a shitty parent.