10 Signs Your Bracket is Already Busted

Uh-oh. Are you already doomed?

1. You had Baylor and VCU in the Final Four, which is impossible because they’re in the same region, so one must assume your bracket is full of other idiotic mistakes like that. You’re a moron!

2. You just clicked on an article titled “10 Signs Your Bracket is Already Busted,” which suggests you have some concerns about your bracket before the Round of 64 has even concluded. Yikes. That’s not good!

3. You didn’t pick Kentucky to win it all.

4. You stayed up last night tweeting at players on losing teams with messages like “YOU HAVE RUINED ME!” and “MY BRACKET IS BUSTED BECAUSE OF YOU! BUSTED!” and “I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE!”

5. Your name isn’t Phyllis in Accounting. That lady always wins the bracket pool, am I right? Lol. She picks teams based on their uniform colors! What?

6. You woke up this morning with an empty whiskey bottle on your chest, your pillow soaked with tears and pieces of a torn up bracket all over the room.

7. You are in the 90th percentile or above in your bracket. Oh, you think that’s good? You’re feeling pretty confident, eh? Learn your Bible: “Pride cometh before the fall, dickhead.”

8. You have fallen woefully short of most of your life goals, to the point that one bit of brightness in your sad existence is a basketball tournament played by college kids you’ve never met. So it’s likely your Tournament bracket will follow suit and be a failure like everything else you’ve ever done.

9. You had Iowa State moving beyond the Sweet 16.

10. You are floating above your lifeless body. Beside it you see a note with the words, written in your distinctive handwriting: “I ended it all because my bracket is not doing well so far.” And then your name is signed below that.