American Public About Ready to Move On From Greg Hardy Outrage to Something Else

According to several studies and polls, it appears that the American public is almost finished with its outrage over Dallas Cowboys defensive lineman Greg Hardy and will soon move onto someone or something else in sports to be outraged about while simultaneously not watching sports any less than they did before.

“All of our internal polling says we’re almost out of the weeds on the Greg Hardy stuff,” said Cowboys owner Jerry Jones. “The public has one, two — at the most three — good weeks of outrage in them over any issue, and then they get discouraged or bored and move on. Once we get past this Sunday, everyone will just accept that Greg Hardy is still in the NFL and that will be that.”

NFL commissioner Roger Goodell says that the league office is also confident the Hardy-related uproar is all but dead.

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“I’ve been in this job long enough to know how this works,” said the commissioner, laughing. “Remember last September when I was going to lose my job? Ha! I’m still here, and I’m probably going to make $50 million this year. It’s great. As long as you can handle a bunch of people ripping you on Twitter and writers who think they’re important writing, long, tsk-ing ‘thinkpieces,’ weathering this stuff is easy. I mean, no one actually does anything. They just act all upset and then move on. It’s outrage whack-a-mole. In 10 years, Greg Hardy will probably be sharing an NFL set with Ray Lewis.”

Hardy said he’s ready for the focus to get off of him so he can just concentrate on football.

“Everyone knows now that I’m a terrible person, so I can pretty much say anything and it won’t shock anyone anymore, which is awesome,” he said. “The public has been forced to accept that I’m not going anywhere barring me getting convicted of something. And with the money I’m making, I can pay off anyone I want to stay silent after I kick the shit out of them.”

Despite Hardy essentially admitting to a crime in the above statement, the public has decided it’s too bored with him to make a big deal out of it.

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