Broncos Players Told Peyton Manning Has Been Sent to Play for a Nice Team in the Country

DENVER — Denver Broncos players were informed today by team president John Elway and head coach Gary Kubiak that quarterback Peyton Manning is no longer with the team and has been sent to play for a very nice football team in the country that will be a good place for him to finish his career.

“I know we all loved Peyton very much and we had great times together,” Elway told his gathered players. “But sometimes when you love someone very much, you have to do something that hurts you but is the best for them.”

“Peyton will be able to run slowly, and call audibles and throw wobbly passes without anyone trying to hit him or tackle him on his new team,” Kubiak added. “He won’t have to hear people saying he should be benched. He’ll be happy.”

“Do they have HGH where Peyton is going?” asked linebacker Von Miller, wiping tears from his eyes.

“The best,” said Elway. “He’ll have all the HGH he ever wanted.”

Elway and Kubiak spoke to the team in one corner of the end zone at Sports Authority Field. On the opposite side of the field along the sideline, a freshly filled hole was visible with two shovels laying nearby.

“Did you guys actually kill him and bury him over there,” asked backup quarterback Brock Osweiler, pointing in the direction of the hole.

“Okay! We’re all done here! Dismissed!” said Elway.

“I’m totally cool with it if you did,” added Osweiler, as his teammates slowly left the field.