Charlotte Hornets Sign Lin, Hansbrough in Continuing Effort to Build Roster of Guys You’ve Heard Of
CHARLOTTE — Many Americans and casual sports fans have no idea that a team called the Charlotte Hornets exists again. And while NBA diehards might, they surely could not identify a single player on the team. But all that may be changing, as team management has made a concerted effort this offseason to acquire some guys people may have heard of.
“If you haven’t heard of some of our players now, I don’t know what to tell you,” said general manager Rich Cho. “I mean, Jeremy Lin? Remember Linsanity? That was huge! And now he’s on our team! What a coup. And Tyler Hansbrough, he’s been on the radar of sports fans for, like, 10 years now. He’s totally a player people can look at on TV and say: ‘Yeah, I’ve seen that guy before.’ And now that guy people have seen before has a Charlotte Hornets jersey on him.”
The signing of Lin and Hansbrough are just the latest examples of the Hornets compiling a roster of people you possibly can identify.
“We drafted Frank Kaminsky. You know, the awkward white guy who has been playing for Wisconsin? Yeah, he’s on our team now!” said Cho. “He’s no Lin or Hansbrough, but some people could definitely recognize him. We are going to sell a lot of tickets this year to people who don’t follow the NBA very closely.”
Hornets majority owner Michael Jordan has spearheaded the campaign to bring in players people have possibly heard of.
“Michael has been great,” said head coach Steve Clifford. “He doesn’t really pay attention to the current NBA that closely due to his golf and gambling commitments, so he’s been a great sounding board for us as far as knowing who is a worthwhile name — and he said he had definitely heard of Lin and Hansbrough. We’ll still be an awful name, but it’s going to be a much more high-profile awful.”
Cho said the Hornets are giving Tim Tebow a tryout this week for a bench spot.
“Can you imagine? Lin and Tebow on the same team?” said the GM. “We’d be totally mainstream. Oooh! And what if Larry Johnson would come out of retirement! Grandmama! Remember that? That was great.”