Draymond Green on dick pic: “That was intended to be a private moment between me and the girl I wanted to see my dick”

HOUSTON — Golden State Warriors forward Draymond Green posted a photo of his penis to Snapchat yesterday afternoon, but later removed the picture. After initially claiming that he had been hacked, the U.S. Olympic team member then admitted it was only sharing the revealing image publicly that had been a mistake.

“We’re all one click away from placing something in the wrong place. I suffered from that this morning,” he said. “I didn’t intend to show my penis to millions of people. That dick pic intended to be a private moment between me and the girl I wanted to see my dick. We had met last night at a club and I thought it would be a special treat for her to see a picture of my penis. But I pressed the wrong button.”

The mistake continues a rough few months for Green. He was suspended during the playoffs for repeated crotch shots to opponents, his Warriors team lost a 3–1 lead in the NBA Finals, he was charged with assault for an incident in Michigan and now he ruined what was intended to be a special and romantic moment featuring his mostly-erect penis and a young woman he briefly met while drinking pitchers of rum runners at a Houston dance club.

The woman who was the sole intended recipient of the Snapchat post said that Green’s mistake aside, it was the thought that counts.

“I know he meant to send it to me privately and that’s really what matters,” said the woman, a 27 year-old attorney who says she briefly explained pleasantries and contact details with Green at the club the night before. “It’s so flattering to know that a guy you only met for a minute or two would take the time to send you a picture of his dick more than 12 hours later. Those who claim chivalry is dead obviously haven’t seen the penis of nearly a complete stranger appear on their phone without warning or request. Pay it forward is what I say.”

Green also apologized today for a 30-second sex tape he posted on his Twitter account.

“That was a huge mistake and I’m sorry,” he said. “I should have held my phone horizontally, but I stupidly recorded it vertically. I don’t know what I was thinking. Also, to be honest, I shot it on an iPad. I can’t win right now.”