HGH-Tainted Peyton Manning Delivers Heartfelt Apology to America’s Brands

DENVER — Broncos star Peyton Manning today apologized to America’s largest corporate brands for any negative publicity they will receive from the allegations that the quarterback used HGH.

“I know all of you counted on me to be a safe and scandal-free ambassador for your fine products and services,” the quarterback said in a special video message sent to the CEO’s and marketing VP’s at America’s top 1,000 brands. “I hope to regain your trust and again help you sell things to the American populace.”

Manning, who became emotional several times throughout the video, did not specifically deny the HGH reports in the message, only saying that: “I think you all know I would never associate with anything or anyone that did not pay me to use their product. That is, and always will be, my life’s guiding principle.”

The quarterback also offered America’s brands the chance to work with him now at a discount.

“For a limited time, I am offering to shoot 10 commercials for you for the price of just nine,” said Manning. “And if you still have any concerns about me endorsing your brands, look at it this way: ‘If I did do PEDs, I have plenty of strength and energy to sell things for you!”

Despite Manning’s proactive efforts with America’s corporate brands, the stock market is expected to drop heavily when trading opens on Monday.