Hope Solo: “I want to prove that female athletes can be just as big pieces of shit as male athletes”

RIO DE JANEIRO — Hope Solo, the complete asshole goalie of the U.S. women’s soccer team, said today that she is a piece of shit for reasons greater than simply naturally being a fuckwad.

“Female athletes still carry the stigma of being friendly and polite or at least semi-decent human beings,” Solo said after netminding the U.S. to elimination in the Rio Olympics before the medal round and then calling Sweden, the team that knocked the U.S. out “cowards.” “I say ‘no.’ I’m just as big a piece of shit as someone like Greg Hardy is in the NFL. In fact, I think I’m even a bigger asshole. And I will go out of my way every day to prove that.”

Solo, a 5-foot-9 mound of trash, is famed for beating the shit out of her nephew and half-sister in 2014. But the female dickwad makes it clear each and every day that the incident was no outlier or single discretion, but simply natural behavior from a gaping sore on humanity.

“I want every asshole little girl out there to know that they don’t need to change their behavior just because society or their parents or a judge says they have to,” said Solo. “Be you. Be a piece of shit.”

Solo also announced today the creation of the Hope Solo Foundation, which will identify talented female soccer players who are assholes and pay for their bail to get out of jail.