ISIS Using Urban Meyer to Recruit

SYRIA — ISIS has released a new recruitment video featuring Ohio State head football coach and ace recruiter Urban Meyer. In the five-minute video, Meyer makes his best sales pitch and sells the benefits of being part of a “world class institution” that will do “big things.”

The video is apparently edited footage of a recruiting tape that Meyer sends to four and five-star recruits. ISIS then interspersed the video with terrorist and anti-West messages. A senior U.S. intelligence official says ISIS hit upon using the Ohio State head coach “because he has such great success convincing motivated 17 and 18 year-olds to join him and ISIS wants to do the same.”

Reached by a reporter in his office today, Meyer said ISIS did not have permission to use the video, but also would not completely denounce the organization for co-opting his message.

“Hey, this is going to be seen by lots of people — people who may not know about Ohio State, but could very well be good athletes,” said Meyer. “At the very least, this opens up some new recruiting ground for the Buckeyes program. It’s hard to be too upset about that.”

Meyer also said that he would be “open to recruits” who have done some “light” terrorism. “Look, everyone makes mistakes. And those mistakes must be punished. I’d make any terrorist sit out one quarter of a game. I will not budge on that.”

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