Javelin winner blissfully unaware he could’ve made $100 million as NFL QB if he grew up in America
RIO DE JANEIRO — Keshorn Walcott won gold in the javelin at the Rio Olympic Games on Thursday. The victory earns him acclaim in his home nation of Trinidad & Tobago and a check for $25,000.
Walcott said the best part the victory was knowing “he had achieved everything he could as an athlete,” a statement that shows the athlete is thankfully unaware that he could be far more successful if he simply happened to have been born 1,600 miles northwest.
At over 6-feet tall and with a strong work ethic and rocket arm, Walcott would have been a surefire star quarterback had he been born in the United States. After having his college education paid for, the 23-year old would now be in the early portion of an NFL career that would earn him untold millions in salary and endorsements. Instead, Walcott will be using his $25,000 gold medal to pay the bills for a few months until he hopefully gets a five-figure shoe deal from Asics.
“I’m a lucky guy,” a smiling Walcott said after receiving his gold medal. “I can’t imagine how life could be better,” he added, proving he doesn’t even know the NFL exists which is no doubt great for his peace of mind so he’s not crushed by regret.
Walcott then slung his gold medal over the magical arm that could have simply fetched him tens of millions even as a backup QB if his doomed life hadn’t charted him on the course of hurling a pointy metal thing for a barely livable wage.
“Best of all, I have my family to celebrate this with,” he continued, completely unaware that he could have spent 40 good years with his family in wealth (before ultimately losing his cognitive abilities due to years of head trauma). “There’s not where else I’d want to be from in the world than Trinidad and Tobago.”