John Fox Cries Himself to Sleep Looking at Facebook Pictures of Broncos and Panthers with Their New Coaches

CHICAGO — Chicago Bears head coach John Fox wept himself to sleep last night while browsing through Facebook and Instagram photos showing the Carolina Panthers and Denver Broncos looking happy and successful with their new coaches.

“They look good,” said Fox, dabbing tears from his eyes while looking at his phone and laying in the fetal position under his covers. “They look really good. Really good … without me.”

Fox coached the Panthers from 2002 to 2010 and then the Broncos from 2011 through 2014. He took a job with the Bears before the 2015 season.

“I had some good times with both Carolina and Denver,” said Fox. “Some really good times. But, in the end, it didn’t work out. I wanted to stay, but they didn’t want me. They thought they could do better than me. And they have. They’ve done so much better than me,” he added blubbering even louder.

“And who am I kidding,” said Fox. “The Bears are nothing more than a rebound relationship. I know it’s not going anywhere. Not with Jay Cutler. The best I ever had it was with Carolina and Denver and now they’re going to the Super Bowl together right in my face.”

After finally clicking away from the Broncos and Panthers photos, Fox watched some porn — YouTube highlights of the 1985 Bears — to try to make himself feel better before finally falling asleep.

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