Lane Kiffin apologizes to Alabama players and coaches for saying “Suck it, losers, I’m gone!” at Thursday’s practice

TUSCALOOSA, AL — Alabama head coach Nick Saban confirmed this morning that Lane Kiffin, his team’s offensive coordinator, was forced to apologize to fellow staff and the Crimson Tide players for telling the team to “suck it” at practice on Thursday when Kiffin believed he had secured the head coaching job at Houston.

“Lane said some things he shouldn’t have and it was required of him to apologize if he wanted to remain with the team,” said Saban. “It’s been dealt with and that’s all I will say about it.”

According to sources at Thursday’s team practice, Kiffin strolled onto the field 20 minutes late, shirtless and holding an nearly-empty bottle of Champagne. After being spotted by a fellow assistant and confronted, a clearly intoxicated Kiffin began yelling: “Suck it, losers! I’m gone! Good luck winning without me! I built this team! You’re going to lose big-time now that I’m gone, you f — king bitches!”

Hours later, Houston officially offered the job to Major Applewhite. At today’s practice, Kiffin told the team that he was sorry.

“Look, what do you want me to say?” he told the team. “I thought I finally got another head coaching job and could stop taking orders from the little midget over there. Sorry, I’m sorry. I’m bad at apologies. But, whatever … I got shitfaced and and I said some stuff I probably shouldn’t have. So, you know … sorry. I’ll try not to do it the next time.”

Sources close to Saban say the head coach “can’t wait to see the look on Lane’s face” when he fires him after the season.

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