Lane Kiffin reportedly planning to sue Alabama to prevent them from using his “good plays”

Jan 2, 2017 · 2 min read

TUSCALOOSA, AL — Lane Kiffin has been relieved of his duties as Alabama’s offensive coordinator before next week’s national championship game, but Kiffin reportedly won’t go without out a fight. According to several sources, Kiffin plans to sue Alabama and head coach Nick Saban to prevent them from using “all of my good plays.”

“I’ve got a lot of good plays and I put them in the playbook,” Kiffin wrote in an e-mail to Saban, Alabama athletics director Bill Battle and other staffers. “You can’t use them without me or that’s intellectual property theft. My wife’s cousin is a lawyer and I’m going to SUE YOUR ASSES.”

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“I made up a lot of good plays, both runs and passes and a lot of them go for a whole bunch of yards if you do them right,” the e-mail continued. “I was going to use them at my new job at Atlantic Florida or whatever and blow everyone away and then takeover the Patriots when Belichick retires. If you use my plays it is STEALING which is a FELONY CRIME. You have been warned!”

Sources say Saban immediately crumpled up a copy of the e-mail that was printed for him by his secretary, saying: “Stupid dipshit. Playbooks are team property. We’ll crush him.”

Nearby, Kiffin was banging on the front door of the football facility and yelling: “Let me in! You’ve got my playbook! Thieves!” But no one let him into the building and he could not gain access himself because his swipe card was taken upon his dismissal. “I should have made a copy of those plays,” Kiffin was heard mumbling to himself after he gave up banging on the glass and walked back to his idling Camaro.

Later, back at his home, Kiffin received a delivery at his front door of an envelope labeled YOUR PLAYS. Inside he found a piece of paper with a poop emoji printed on it.

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