LeBron James and his posse rob McDougal’s Savings & Loan
The sheriff says LeBron James and his Cavalier gang are wanted for robbing McDougal’s Savings & Loan at the center of town today. James and his posse reportedly hid out in Smith’s General Store overnight, smashed through the wall into the savings and loan early this morning, broke into the vault and took off with more than $300 in cash and another $700 worth of gold bullion.
The robbery comes after local old man Phil Jackson had warned citizens that James and his posse were up to no good. But few heeded his words because he has been known to spout nonsense after imbibing on herbs he purchases from a local Native American tribe.
“I warned you all!” Jackson yelled to all who passed on Main Street today. “I told you! We must get that James posse! We must go on the offense! Everyone line up around me in a triangle and we’ll get ‘em!”
The townspeople continued to ignore the old man and walked by.
Hours after the robbery, as the sheriff was rounding up Pinkertons to set out after the James posse, the mayor received a check for $100,000 dollars signed by Lebron James himself with a note: “Hope we showed you your bank needs to improve its security. Please use this money to fix and improve it and build your town a school.”
The townspeople were ecstatic to hear the news, but not all. Local snake oil salesman Pat Riley complained: “Oh, sure. Just give us money for a school, but don’t stick around to build it. Can’t respect that.”
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