Mets’ Daniel Murphy: “Bartolo [Colon]’s remarkable body is making me rethink my stance on the gay lifestyle”


NEW YORK — New York Mets second baseman Daniel Murphy caused a stir this offseason when he stated that he does not approve of the gay “lifestyle.” But the 30 year-old veteran admitted today that he has reconsidered his opinion.

“All I know is that I am increasingly unable to keep my eyes off of Bartolo Colon,” said Murphy. “When I’m not at the plate or on the bases or making a play in the field, my gaze is affixed to him. Everything about him is remarkable. His size. His shape. His face. His hair. The way he moves. It’s like nothing I’ve ever seen before. I’m obsessed. And it feels so right and natural. So if I’m feeling that way about a man, I can now easily see how two men could love each other in a physical way. And I can’t judge that. I won’t judge that.”

Murphy said that he doesn’t have sexual feelings towards his teammate.

“No, it’s not that,” he stressed. “But at the same time, I go out of my way to watch him change and get in and out of the showers. The simple physics of his body, how it’s held together and how it curves and changes and bulges from one place to the next … my god, it’s exquisite. What a wonderful creation. He is a walking, talking, pitching, awkwardly hitting piece of art.”

Colon admitted he has noticed Murphy staring at him.

“I get that a lot. It can get weird, but I’m used to it. I mean, look at this,” said the pitcher, gesturing from his head to his toes as he dropped his towel. “Who can look away from this? I am a specimen. I will be talked about long after I am gone.”

While stressing that he remains “fully heterosexual,” Murphy also stated that: “You know, gun to my head? Yeah. Definitely. And I wouldn’t even call it a homosexual experience. Bartolo is no man. He isn’t even human. He’s some god amongst us and just being in his presence is awe-inspiring.”