Nation to Celebrate Freedom from British Tyranny with Fireworks at Rockies-Diamondbacks Game

PHOENIX — The United States of America will celebrate its 239th year of being free from the shackles of King George III and British tyranny with an approximately 11-minute fireworks “extravaganza” following Saturday night’s Rockies-Diamondbacks game at Chase Field.

“What a perfect way to stick it to the British,” said Diamondbacks pitcher Josh Collmenter. “If any of them have the Extra Innings package and are watching our game and the post-game show sticks around for some of the fireworks, they’re really going to see how awesome this country is.”

Arizona infielder Cliff Pennington said the fireworks are not so much about sticking it to the United Kingdom, but celebrating all that the young America was and what it has become today.

“When the Founding Fathers created this land, it was an experiment in freedom,” he said. “What came next, no one knew. Well, I’ll tell you what came next. Manifest Destiny. We expandes across the West, then baseball expansion saw two franchises arrive in Colorado and Arizona, and now we’re setting off explosions in the sky over a stadium named for multinational banking corporation. This would blow George Washington’s mind. What a country!”

The franchise’s Fourth of July Fireworks Extravaganza, presented by Gila River Casinos is not the only fireworks extravaganza presented by Gila Rivers Casinos the Diamondbacks have planned for this season. The team has had six already this year with several more scheduled, including one as soon as July 17th.

“Take that, Great Britain,” said pitcher Rubby De La Rosa.

Like what you read? Give SportsPickle a round of applause.

From a quick cheer to a standing ovation, clap to show how much you enjoyed this story.