NFL names Dr. Oz its Head Important Brain Doctor Guy

NEW YORK — NFL commissioner Roger Goodell announced today that the league has hired noted TV personality Dr. Oz to oversee the league’s commitment to brain safety and given him the official title of Head Important Brain Doctor Guy.

“No longer can anyone doubt the NFL’s level of concern about safety in football, not after we have hired Dr. Oz, perhaps the foremost person in America considered by many to be a real doctor,” said Goodell. “Football is safe. So says Dr. Oz.”

The TV physician has worked with the NFL before, appearing in the “Together We Make Football” PR campaign, but is better known for validating miracle cures to your mother after The Price Is Right is over and before Ellen. He says he is excited to take on an official role with the NFL.

“I have lent my name to other things before, but based on the level of compensation the NFL is offering, I’ve never been more committed to a financial partner,” said the medical capitalist. “I can say 100-percent that I am happy to be associated with the NFL and also that I am a doctor with a real medical degree. I don’t think anything else needs to be said.”

Dr. Oz said he is also close to a deal to endorse Russell Wilson’s concussion-fixing nanobubble drink and the Tom Brady-approved Neurosafe concussion remedy elixir that was banned by the FTC.

“As a doctor, I am willing to look into anything that can help people physically or mentally,” he said. “And as the brand Dr. Oz, I am willing to approve anything that claims to help people for the right price.”