Patriots “fully confident” Jimmy Garoppolo will be ready to handle cheating from the QB position by Week 1

BOSTON — While the Patriots still plan to fight Tom Brady’s four-game suspension related to deflating footballs, several members of the organization also expressed confidence today in Brady’s backup, 23 year-old, Eastern Illinois product Jimmy Garoppolo.

“If we’re without Tom for one game or four, I know Jimmy can do the job,” said head coach Bill Belichick. “We may need to pare down our cheating program a little bit for him to feel comfortable with it at first, but I think by Week 1 he’ll be able to handle all of our cheating schemes.”

Belichick said if he didn’t think Garoppolo was a capable replacement for Brady, he wouldn’t have drafted him or kept him on the roster.

“There was a lot I liked about him immediately,” said the coach. “He has a strong, accurate arm, he’s smart and, most of all, he has no sense of right and wrong. He’s perfect for our system.”

Garoppolo was selected in the 2nd Round of the 2014 Draft by the Patriots and already has one year of learning under his belt, but admits he has a lot of work to do to get ready for Week 1 against the Steelers.

“I don’t think anyone outside of this organization quite understands how complex our cheating system is,” said the backup. “Ball deflation is just a minor aspect of it. I mean, for just one example, we’ve got pirated audio piped into our helmets from the opposing defensive coordinator’s headset. It’s a lot to take in. But if anyone can get me prepared to cheat the way I need to cheat to win, it’s Coach Belichick.”

Patriots owner Robert Kraft also expressed confidence in Garoppolo, but took the opportunity to tsk Roger Goodell at the same time.

“Because Roger suspended Tom, now we’re going to have to cheat even more to win,” said Kraft. “The commissioner has no idea what sort of Pandora’s Box he’s opened here. He clearly didn’t think through this at all.”