All-Star Game Snubs Trying to Pretend They’re Disappointed to Not Spend Their Week in Cincinnati

Several players who were not named to an All-Star roster for the 2015 festivities in Cincinnati have legitimate gripes about being left out — and all of them are doing their best to appear publicly disappointed about their snubs.

“This is just a reminder that life has its disappointments,” said Yankees DH Alex Rodriguez, who was left off the A.L. roster. “I was hoping to be rewarded for my efforts this season with a trip to magical Cincinnati. But, alas, I will spend those four days in Manhattan or fly to a Caribbean island for a few days. Life is not fair.”

Dodgers ace Clayton Kershaw said that despite being left off the N.L. roster, he considered paying his own way to Cincinnati.

“I have a few days off now and, of course, Cincinnati, Ohio, are right at the top of places in the world I’d love to go for some R&R,” said Kershaw. “But I’ve decided I won’t go. Being in amazing Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky next week while they’re at the peak of their mid-July beauty would hurt too much.”

Reds first baseman Joey Votto was another top player left out of the All-Star Game, but he differs slightly from Rodriguez and Kershaw.

“Oh, thank God,” said Votto, a four-time All-Star. “I was really worried the fans would vote me into the game because I play here. But now I get to get out of Cincinnati for four days. I’ve never been more excited for an All-Star Game.”