Remember These Good Times When My Career Ends in Disgrace and Scandal

— By Mike Krzyzewski

Coach K on how it will all end terribly one day. One day very soon.

The Duke Blue Devils have reached the Final Four again and I couldn’t be prouder of my team. This is the twelfth Final Four appearance of my career, but I am cherishing like it is my first. Because it could very well be my last.

Seriously, it could all end tomorrow. I don’t mean that I could die. Of course, I could; we’re all mortal. I mean that any day now my entire career and reputation will forever be derailed by scandal. It’s going to happen.

I know I hold myself up as a paradigm of virtue. The four books I’ve published full of lessons about “leadership” and “decision-making” are all part of my carefully crafted image. But have you ever wondered why someone goes to all the effort to carefully craft an image in the first place? If you’re truly good, you don’t have to go around telling everyone how virtuous you are. You just go out and do good. It’s innate. The goodness exudes from you and people know. Then there are those like me do all the image stuff to divert attention away from something else. Something dark and sinister. Something terrifying. It’s a sleight of hand.

“Look over there at all the leadership and good deeds I’m doing!”
Then you lift the rubes’ wallets while they’re distracted.

Of course, my sins — my crimes, my actual crimes — are nothing like a run-of-the-mill pick pocketing. I’ve done shit you can’t even imagine. And I’ve ordered stuff done that’s almost as bad. (I leave for my own hand the acts most of society would consider unimaginably heinous. Carrying them out … inflicting the pain … see the life extinguish forever in a victim’s eyes … is my one true pleasure in life.)

I write this because I want Duke fans to cherish this Final Four run. Soon everything will come to light and all the years you’ve spent with your elitist attitudes, pretending Duke University and Duke basketball is above reproach, will come crashing down all around you. You’ll be left with nothing. Instead of telling people you root for a program and a man that is good and pure, you’ll be revealed as willing accomplices in decades of horrors. Don’t for a second think that Penn State fans wouldn’t love to be transported back to January 1, 2011, for Joe Paterno’s final bowl game as head coach, when he was still JOE PATERNO. I’m giving you that opportunity with Duke basketball as it is regarded today. It’s my gift to you. It’s the one thing I’ve ever given in my career without selfish, ulterior motives.

CHERISH THIS GIFT.

When it all unravels — and I think it’s happening very, very soon because a whistleblower I intended to kill has escaped from his cage — all you’ll have is your memories. Because Duke basketball as you know it today will be gone forever, and even the most deluded and diehard fans won’t be able to offer even a word of support for the atrocities committed under my reign.

Of course, I could somehow get away with it all, and die a beloved and respected man. But while I don’t believe in a god, I do believe the scales balance themselves out in the end. And they’re about to slam back in my direction soon, leveling me and everyone around me.

Thanks for all your support this season and please cheer us on in the Final Four!

Coach K