Roger Goodell Bans Public from Sharing Photos or Video of NFL Player Victims Without League’s Express, Written Consent

NEW YORK — NFL commissioner Roger Goodell took swift action today in the wake of the release of photos showing the damage Cowboys defensive end Greg Hardy inflicted on his girlfriend last year.

“From this day forward, anyone who shares or distributes photos of domestic violence inflicted by NFL players without the express, written consent of the NFL, will face legal action,” said the commissioner. “The league will not stand by and let our good name be sullied by visual evidence that we did not approve.”

Goodell’s declaration was immediately met with near-universal condemnation, but the commissioner stated that criticism is just part of the job.

“I mean, a year ago I was ripped this way and that for not doing enough with the Ray Rice situation, and now I come out immediately and take decisive action and still get criticized?” he said. “That just goes to show that NFL commissioner is the most difficult job in the world. But I’m proud of the work I’ve done and I’m confident that, going forward, we can prevent images that could upset the public from ever seeing the light of day.”

The commissioner also announced he will destroy all evidence that the league has had domestic violence incidents.

“It’s the best course of action,” said the commissioner. “I did the same with Spygate and, to my knowledge, no one has ever talked about that since.”

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