Several Teams Reportedly Interested in Trading for Dwight Howard to Punch Him in the Face

HOUSTON —Rockets big man Dwight Howard is on the market and Houston general manager Daryl Morey says he has already received numerous calls.

“I don’t have to make a move, but I’ll obviously listen to any offer for any player,” said Morey. “So far we have several nice packages that have been offered, all of course contingent on the other team being able to punch Dwight in the face when he shows up to their team.”

That part of the deal could be a major stumbling block, however, as Howard has a not-getting-punched-in-the-face clause in his contract.

“I put that in there for this very reason,” said Dan Fegan, Howard’s agent. “Because, as we all know, Dwight is an unbearable person to be around. He’s just awful. His terrible jokes, his phony personality, his massive ego despite having done nothing on the court to back it up ever … I could keep going, but it just makes me too angry to think about him.”

Fegan was then interrupted by Howard standing behind him making bunny ears and then a fart sound before laughing uproariously at himself and walking off.

“God, I want to punch that guy,” added Fegan.

Morey said he will ask Howard to waive his no-punching clause to try to finalize a deal.

“Refusing to work with us here would be such an annoying dick move to make,” said Morey, “so it’s almost guaranteed that he won’t work with us.”

So far the strongest interest for Howard has been from the Magic and Lakers, who Morey said both offered “anything you want.”

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