Struggling Andrew Luck Shunned by His Amish Community

INDIANAPOLIS — Andrew Luck’s awful 2015 season has now begun to affect him personally after the Indianapolis Colts quarterback revealed today that his Amish elders have decided to shun him in the wake of another turnover-laden performance in the Colts’ Week 7 home loss to the Saints.

“They say I have brought great shame to the Amish by repeatedly throwing the ball to the wrong team,” said a visibly shaken luck. “I was told I am not welcome at Saturday’s barn-raising, which is very disappointing, of course. Barn-raisings are a great time.”

The Amish faith promotes a very conservative lifestyle. Electricity is not used. Snaps and zippers are not allowed. And careless ball protection is strongly frowned upon.

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The 26 year-old quarterback was warned by Amish elders that a shunning was possible after throwing four interceptions in his last two games in the playoffs. Some light punishments were place on him. For example, he was given an older horse to ride to practice and was only allowed to drink day-old milk out of his water bottle. But Luck’s performance so far this season, with nine interceptions in just five games, showed more significant steps had to get him back in line with Amish teachings.

Colts head coach Chuck Pagano said he hopes his quarterback’s break from the Amish community will actually help his on-field performance.

“He can’t watch any film because the Amish don’t use TVs,” said Pagano. “Also, I think the drop we see in his velocity is because he’s tired. He’s up a 4:00 a.m. every day squeezing cow udders or whatever and then he heads to practice or games and rides three hours both ways by horse and carriage. It starts to wear you down. Andrew would be a much better quarterback if he got completely excommunicated.”

But Luck says he wants to return to the good graces of the Amish people as soon as possible.

“I want to win a Super Bowl and take it home to my community,” he said. “Imagine how much butter you could churn in a huge bowl.”


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