The Crappiest Fantasy Team in America: Week 5

Sure, your fantasy team may suck. But not this much.

How does one suck at fantasy football? Fantasy football philosophers have pondered this for ages (or the mid-1980s, whenever this foolish time-wasting activity began).

There are many methods to achieve complete suckdom, but one sure way is to make terrible trades that directly cause your team to lose. This is exactly what happened to Jami L. this week when he traded Rob Gronkowski for Greg Olsen straight up. Gronk then outscored the acclaimed 7th Floor Crew member by almost the exact margin of Jami’s defeat. That’s some good sucking!

We now turn to terrible, horrible, very bad luck. First up, the sad tale of Cale R. He writes:

My team may not be the crappiest, but its surely the unluckiest. Through 5 weeks, I am 1–4. And 3 of those 4 losses have come from Ties where I lost the tiebreaker. Tiebreaker in our league is most QB points. The probability of this happening 3 times has to be incredibly low.

That is bad luck. But as the great sports website commenter Takespeare once wrote: “Sucking by any other name is still sucking.”

Our next bit of bad luck was submitted by @JasonAAV. He came across the unfortunate case of this sad gentleman who learned in a period of five minutes that his two of his fantasy teams lost by a combined 3.5 points. Hashtag: not blessed.

And, finally, the Crappiest Fantasy Team of Week 5 … submitted by @tyjo1710 … it’s this disaster!!!

It’s not all bad, though. At least his entire team managed to edge New England’s backup tight end!

Thanks for all the submissions. Let’s all get together next week and suck some more, shall we?


We have a late submission and it is 10% crappier than the crappy team above.

Submitted by Chris D., this team only managed 30 points and that’s with two defensive players. And 30 points is pretty good for this team. Look at the roster.

Derek Anderson, Jerrick McKinnon, Fozzy Whittaker, Devin Funchess, Victor Cruz, Zach Ertz.

It’s surprising it cracked double-digits.

This dude apparently picked Alshon Jeffery in the 1st Round and then didn’t have another pick until the 9th Round where he had every pick.