Undrafted Rookie Opening Eyes by Being Far Less Talented Than Even Imagined and Quite Lazy, Too

PHILADELPHIA — Undrafted rookie free agent Brian Molgord is the talk of Philadelphia Eagles training camp after revealing himself to be significantly more awful at football than most undrafted players.

“I don’t say this lightly, but Brian is the worst football player I’ve ever seen,” said Eagles head coach Chip Kelly. “And what he doesn’t have in natural abilities or skills, he doesn’t make up for in effort. He’s lazy as hell.”

Kelly said that barring a serious disease spreading through most of his roster or a team bus that Molgord isn’t in crashing and bursting into flames, killing everyone inside, the undrafted tight end out of tiny Shippensburg University will be the first player cut in a few weeks.

“You don’t expect undrafted free agents to be your stars, but you hope they’ll show you something that makes you think they can develop into a contributor,” said Eagles offensive coordinator Pat Shurmur. “With Brian, watching him on the field depresses me and makes it hard to come to work every day. I don’t know how he got invited to camp. It must have been a clerical error.”

Molgord said he is just trying to open some eyes.

“Everyone in my position is out there busting their ass,” he said. “But not me. I’m jogging everywhere, avoiding hits. I haven’t gone full-speed once. And I’m the talk of camp. Every coach knows my name. That’s all you can ask for as an undrafted rookie.”