A Brief Oral History of the Worst Nicknames in the NBA

Because not everyone can be King James or Swaggy P…

Not everyone is meant to have a nickname, and not every nickname is worth remembering. By rule of NBA physics, for every Earvin “Magic” Johnson and Hakeem “The Dream” Olajuwon, there is an equal and opposite Harold “Baby Jordan” Miner and Amare’ “STAT” Stoudemire.

Some nicknames are funny, and some are just bad. Klay Thompson’s “Big Smokey” is a bit too obvious, and Corey Maggette’s is just NSFW. But only one player can have the worst nickname currently in the NBA, so we did some hard-hitting investigative journalism to bring you a brief oral history of the 16 worst nicknames in the league right now.

Armadillo Cowboy — Joe Johnson

You probably know Joe Johnson as Iso Joe or Joe Cool. Kevin Garnett calls him Joe Jesus because “He might not be there when you call on him, but he’s there when you need him.” But a decade ago, The Starters head honcho J.E. Skeets apparently decided to call Johnson The Armadillo Cowboy. Why? No reason at all, apparently. Some nicknames just exist. The lack of an origin story apparently hasn’t stopped ESPN’s Neil Everett or Charlotte Hornets broadcaster Eric Collins from using it, though, so why stop now?