The Dallas Cowboys: All Hat, No Cattle

I’m a man of simple things. It doesn’t take much too please me.

Among the things that please me the most in life include:

• Anytime I get to turn off the air conditioning.
• Terrible movies that are terribly rewatchable.
• The buzz from my morning cup of coffee.
• An attractive, “top-heavy” woman wearing a low-cut shirt.
• The happiness and serenity on my dog’s face when he sleeps in our bed.

… and anytime the Dallas Cowboys lose a football game.

Given that latter point, I pray that, in his growing obtuseness, Cowboys’ owner Jerry Jones continues to retain Jason Garrett as the head coach of “America’s (Most Hated) Team,” and Scott Linehan as its offensive coordinator.

Of course, Ol’ Jerral Wayne is probably quite fine with the work Garrett is doing. After all, Dallas has had only one losing season with Garrett as its head coach, and they’ve won the division twice in the past four years. Oh, and most importantly (to him), the Cowboys remain the most valuable professional sports franchise in the world.

But whether he’s too busy making trips back and forth to the bank to care, too happy with the fact that Garrett is a lap dog/yes man of a head coach, or too…