Certainty Among Uncertainty
The decision: military life or civilian life, it does not come as some may think. To continue in the Army or to retire. It is not a decision to be taken lightly and is one that truly involves the entire family. Perhaps the difficulty stems from the fact that there isn’t a “right” or “wrong” decision. Many families face this tough conversation each time they come up on the end of the contract. Some families have essentially the same conversation over and over before settling on a decision.
We’ve known for the past few years we’d be facing this decision, but until recently have put off thinking about it. It always felt too soon. Life in the army involves last-minute decisions, vacation plans made weeks in advance, constantly changing schedules, the list goes on… To make a decision that impacts the rest of your life, almost a year ahead of time, feels uncomfortable and intimidating. Even still it seems surreal that after the next several months our lives will be completely changed.
In all honesty, I don’t think we ever fully decided on our own. Life decided for us; leading us to the decision one tough time after another. After handling pregnancy thousands of miles apart during deployment, living in Alaska, much too far from family when we had our first daughter — and the first grandchild on both sides of our family, months of training during her first 18 months of life, being hit hard with postpartum depression and anxiety while my husband was thousands of miles away training on the other side of the country (as is all of our family), choosing to change my career path, and so many more… After all the ups and downs we have experienced over my husband’s Army career, it simply seemed that the best decision for us would be to close the door to life in the military and see what doors we find ahead.
This is not to say that military living is all bad. Challenging as it may be, the Army does make a very comfortable life in a lot of ways. The medical benefits, the guarantee of housing, the safety of base, retirement security, a dependable and secure income, more family support and activities than we could ever take advantage of, and my favorite: the built-in community.
The community in the Army, and the military in general, is truly one of a kind. We have been so incredibly blessed with the people placed in our lives in Alaska. My husband has had amazing, kind leadership and such respectful and honorable soldiers. The military spouses and families we’ve met have become more than friends; they’ve become OUR FAMILY. We have built friendships and made memories that will last a lifetime.
As I sit on my couch this cold Saturday night watching the snow fall outside, for the fifth night in a row, I realize this could be the last snowstorm we experience in Alaska. This thought is met with a pit in my stomach and tears streaming down my face. As much as I look forward to “normal” life outside the Army, I am sure there are many parts I will miss, and the unknowns of what’s to come are intimidating. I’m scared of what the future will hold. Where will we live? Will we find a new community? What job will my husband find? Will we be able to find amazing childcare again? We are facing so much uncertainty. And yet, certainty all the same. The certainty of a much steadier schedule: work, home, dinner, sleep, wake up, repeat, with no looming deployments or extended trainings. The certainty of purchasing a “forever” home and settling down in a place we make our own. The certainty of building a community we won’t have to leave. Certainty among such uncertainty.
At our first military ball, back then as an Army girlfriend, the General who spoke told us “the only thing certain about life in the military is uncertainty”. We have clung to these words through my husband’s Army career and they have rung true time and time again. His words are a lesson we will continue to carry with us through our lives. While life outside the military will no doubt be more predictable, I am positive we will still face uncertainties. It’s an unavoidable part of life and these words will continue to hold meaning for us.
I started writing this post two months ago, before coronavirus ever crossed into the picture. The uncertainty of this virus is a perfect example of being certain that we will face uncertainties in life. Understandably, this virus has caused even more emotion surrounding our decision to leave the military. The security of the military during a time like this is invaluable. We know that we will be stepping out into civilian life while the world is recovering from this pandemic in many ways. There is the uncertainty of a job search amidst companies struggling to retain employees and survive through this time. These times will surely add another aspect to our experiences transition into post-military life.
As a military spouse, we learn early on to let go, follow, and trust. We learn there is so much we cannot possibly control in this life. It becomes easier to step back and simple go with the flow of wherever life takes us. I am a type A, a first born, a total planner, and even I have learned to be more flexible than I ever thought possible. Along with learning to be comfortable with uncertainty, this is a piece of the military spouse life I know will benefit me in the future.
Though intimidating, my husband and I are now facing our transition from military life into civilian life with anxious excitement. We look forward to this big life change and learning to adjust to the “new” and know we will be ready to tackle whatever life sends our way. Because, really, the one thing we’ve discovered about LIFE through our time in the military is that “the only thing certain is uncertainty”.
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