Miss Independent to Mrs Dependent
I despise the word “dependent”, I really do. To me, it suggests that we cannot function alone, that we rely entirely on someone else to survive, that we NEED someone to help us through life.
I know I’m being extreme and perhaps a little over-dramatic but for me, becoming a “dependent” in the military was a huge shock to my super independent system. Maybe it’s because I didn’t get into this lifestyle until I was in my early 30s, so had already grown up and figured I knew it all!
I’ve always been independent, out-going and happy to do my own thing and when I got married it was the best thing ever because I got to do and be all of these things, with my best friend, I still couldn’t be happier!
We got married later than a lot of people (I was 32) so I’d already grown into the person I am and you know what they say: “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks”….!
Becoming a “dependent” in the eyes of the military can sort of suck at times; being known as “Mr Collins’ wife” rather than “Gemma”. Always being asked what my husband does, how long has he served etc. etc. Rarely what I did, what my interests were, who I was.
Don’t misunderstand me, I know there is a time for small talk and these questions are all great conversation starters — but I’m sure you’ll all agree with me: there is more to me than my husband!
Selfishly, it’s hard stepping into the shadows when I’m used to basking in the sunshine in my own life.
Yes, I knew what I was getting myself into when I married into the military, and trust when I say I do not want you to feel sorry for me; but I didn’t anticipate feeling so redundant a lot of the time.
Please don’t get me wrong — I am beyond proud to be an Army Wife. I could talk about my husband for days, about all the amazing things he has achieved, incredibly harrowing and challenging situations he has been through and things he does on a daily basis to be an outstanding soldier, husband and human being.
I’m not JUST an Army Wife though. I am a friend, a visionary, a fitness fanatic, a pain in the backside! A woman on a mission.
I should also add in there that I am a foreign military spouse. Technically I am a “Resident Alien”, so if that doesn’t make you feel like an outsider I don’t know what will!
I am from the UK and as similar as you would think things are between the USA and the UK — they really aren’t! And whilst I really do love it when you compliment my accent, you don’t need to try and emulate it — it makes things awkward, ask any foreigner!
Coming here and trying to fit in, find work, find my place, be a wife, adjust to the military lifestyle and not turn into a blubbering mess every time my husband came home from a hard day — well it was hard!
Because when it comes to working; I need something more than just the every day. I don’t just want “any old job” and (humble brag and I apologise) I’ve worked hard in my career and on my education to want to do just “any old job”. I believe I deserve more — like so many of us do.
I believe we all have a purpose and we’re all here for a reason.
That’s why working with Squared Away has been so impactful for me. I have another reason to get up everyday. I have clients who rely on me to work on things that are critical to the success of their business.
I am making an impact in the lives of others and I get to do it with a team of totally amazing, independent “dependas”! Incredible military spouses who have found their place and been given an opportunity to learn and grow in an incredibly encouraging, safe and family-feeling environment.
I’ve not had the pleasure of meeting everyone in person yet — and with where we are all located this seems highly unlikely — but the relationships that are being cultivated within Squared Away, you’d think people had lived together for years!
So, I’ve decided to flip the switch on how I view the term “dependent” in this military lifestyle:
- I am grateful that I can depend on my husband for love, support and advice.
- I am grateful I can depend on the military for all the family support that they provide us.
- I am grateful I can depend on the friends I’ve made in this military journey for laughs, hugs and support.
- I am grateful that people can depend on me to help them in anyway they need.
- I am grateful that I found Squared Away.
Squared Away is comprised of military spouses who are your trusted assistants. We help CEOs, VCs, executives, and startup teams get their time back. US-based. #SquaredAwayLife #ChiefExecutiveAssistant
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