Navigating Social Change as a MilSpouse in the Age of Social Media
As an NYC native (Bronx- stand up!), I’m used to speaking my mind pretty openly. I was raised by parents who were very active in local politics and committed to serving our community. Even as a child, I attended community rallies, election campaigns and volunteered in our church Soup Kitchen. This laid the foundation for me to stand up for what’s right and speak out against injustices. The community I grew up in looked a lot like me, surrounded by Latinx and Black people. (Note-we are multi-racial). The only white(anglo) people I knew growing up were the teachers at school — who, with the exception of a handful, usually never even tried to pronounce my name.
Fast forward 20 something years, and my social circle has drastically changed. My husband is in the military; he’s been proudly serving for nearly 15 years. We have lived in different states and neighborhoods, meeting so many people who cross our paths. Ultimately though, because the military is overwhelmingly lacking melanin, my circle is composed mostly of white people. As an example, in 2017, the Navy lists, “minority Officer representation reached 34%, and minority Enlisted representation reached 42%.”(US Navy)
Being a Latinx person in primarily white spaces can be tricky to navigate, especially in times of great racial turmoil. You kind of cross your fingers and pray that the people who become your step-in family are real allies to your experience as a person of color and not what I like to call casual racists. (you know the kind, I LOVE YOUUU, but *insert racist sentiment here*).
I can’t pretend to know firsthand the absolute horror that the Black community is experiencing. Despite being Latinx and being obsessive about my roots and the rich history of the Taino culture and my African ancestry, I was not blessed with increased levels of melanin. I’m pretty pale. I am absolutely aware of the amount of privilege that my lack of pigment affords me, and it repulses me. Knowing the centuries of systemic racism my Black brothers and sisters, the Afro-Latinx community suffer brings me suffering and turmoil.
I would love nothing more to pick up a poster and scream against the injustices. But it’s not that simple anymore. Not as a military spouse.
When a person joins the military, they sign up to defend the Constitution. Every time my husband has reenlisted, I have been given a certificate, thanking me for supporting my Sailor’s service. The military does this because they’re aware of what level of crazy we put up with when it comes to the roller coaster of military life. (I’m looking at you, Deployments and PCSing!)
Our family is a reflection of him. It comes with responsibilities and expectations, as well. Living on base comes with certain rules that need to be followed. The burden of how we are perceived does not stop when we are off base. Speaking out publicly on controversial issues brings its own maze of dos and don’ts. For many, social media is a place to openly answer “what’s on your mind” as Facebook’s status box asks. As a MilSpouse, I have a responsibility to tread lightly. I must often refrain from posting boldly. I have to think, and often pass on commenting on current events — specifically when we’re talking political, governmental issues.
But free speech! You say. Yes, the Constitution guarantees free speech. But that free speech comes with responsibilities. Our spouses swore an oath to protect and defend the Constitution. We must tread lightly, lest our critical opinions be perceived as a poor reflection on them, or negatively impact their careers.
So what do you do when society is at a pivotal turning point, and you have to watch how you push against the status quo?
Ending racism starts at ground levels. It’s having those awkward and hard conversations with the people around you. Digging through the data and educating yourself about HISTORY.(Not the polished ones that were in your textbooks). It’s about honestly confronting your own biases AND being willing to change the way you see people and circumstances.
It is SO uncomfortable. But that work needs to be done. Supporting Black and Brown businesses (not just when it’s trending), listening to Black and Brown stories (not just the headlines), supporting the causes through organizations dedicated to bridging that gap.
It’s acknowledging that the entire social system of our nation was built on the blood and backs of BIPOC. We need to learn how to DO BETTER, how we can teach our children to be better.
It’s not about not seeing color. It’s about seeing color, honoring that our experiences are different. It’s uplifting communities of color and sharing the tools to break the cycle.
I’m not even close to having all the answers. I even feel underqualified to speak about this. And that’s okay. Because it is quite literally going to “take a village” for us to dismantle more than 400 years of oppression. It’s not going to be overnight, and there are multiple avenues to enact that change.
What I can say is this. I’m proud to work for a company that knows where I stand, and does that hard work to find the resources to have these conversations, and makes an effort to do better.
Despite having a Bachelor’s degree AND more than 10 years of experience I found myself, like so many other educated and experienced military spouses, woefully underemployed. In less than a year, I now have the opportunity to work with a team of spouses supporting and uplifting each other daily. Through hard work and determination, I have risen within the company, first as a Team Lead, supervising a group of up to 10 other assistants. As well as to my current role as Director of Client Connections. Our leadership team has a passion for what we do and feels a real sense of duty to make sure that our team composition reflects our values. Part of that is an ethnically/racially diverse team. To be able to have an honest chat with the other leaders on where we can do better, and how not to be tone-deaf without fear or fragility coming into play is something that I do not take for granted. It’s refreshing to be able to be myself and not think about code-switching or filtering who I am or my experiences. They are valued and help strengthen our team.
We aren’t just talking about the importance of diversity. We’re actively working toward building a more diverse team. Not because it’s trendy–the commitment to a diverse team strengthens who we are as a company. This was a discussion that started before the media began highlighting these injustices a few weeks ago. This is part of our DNA, figuring out how we can recruit more badass military spouses with a wide variety of experience and skills. We have taken a look at our current recruitment strategies and professional networks. Reflection on these has led us to identify new networks, new opportunities to cast a wider net. To get our name out there, so more MilSpouses have the chance to have more stability in their employment, even if the military doesn’t always provide it in their lives (Still looking at you cross-country PCS!)
This exercise was challenging for me to express in written form. I’m hopeful that my vulnerability will encourage you to explore where you can do better. What are you doing to influence change in your communities?
If you’re ready to get Squared Away, visit us at GoSquaredAway.com or grab some time for a call.
