WHY FATHERS DISLIKE THEIR DAUGHTER’S BOYFRIENDS
The birth of a baby boy brings joy untold to his parents. His father has been able to bring him into the world which is a great sign that he has not lost his manhood. Being able to produce sperm which transports to the ovaries to form a child is a function that can be done by a male and male only. Not unless you are a hermaphrodite that has the male genes more pronounced than that of the female. Well, in that case you are still a man!
Before a man decides he wants to have a family and is joined with a woman in holy matrimony, several events may have occurred over the past years. Every man was once a boy, we could all agree; it’s a circle that would never cease as long as the world remains in existence.
Fathers are very protective beings mainly because young boys remind them of them were they were just as little and carefree. Most have dirty secrets that would never be able to tell to their wives probably because they might lose trust in them. It may also lead to the dissolution of the marriage, cause the children to distrust or hate their fathers. They have done things they are not quite proud of; things that only the love and bond of a family have been able to save them from.
Young boys are notorious for a number of bad deeds ranging from frolicking with girls, jumping from one bed to another, doing drugs, addiction to smoking and drinking, unsolved murders and most of all getting young girls pregnant and attempting to abort or even succeeding. This we may agree leads to pain and regret on the part of the girl and partially from the boy. He isn’t the one whose womb has to be prodded on to remove a growing feotus so he can only imagine the pain though he knows the girl goes through the worst pain, fear and consequences (if there are or would be). We hear of so many women who are unable to conceive because their wombs have been lost to abortions carried out as young girls.
Young people make so many mistakes, most times this can be a good thing as they tend to learn lessons they may never forget but sometimes this may be bad. This is because when things get out of hand, they can never be undone or corrected. Wise elders have said it all when they said “Do not let experience teach you, but let other people’s experience serve as a lesson to you”.
A young girl who aborts a child will live with that guilt for the rest of her life. We all agree sex is sweet and brings a lot of pleasure but the end result is not gooood at all.
Young lads have sugar-coated tongues which they use to woo young naïve girls to do that which is not expected of them. The words “I LOVE YOU” have been abused continually that it has become mere words to some; something to be said just to make peace, or get what they really want most times (sex). A young boy would do anything at all to get a girl; buy her flowers, be there anything she needs him, drive her around town, show her off to his peers and buy expensive gifts for her. Most times a girl play really hard to get but it is hard not to develop feelings for someone who is always close to you; one who has shown he truly cares. The funny part is that boys are always undaunted in these tasks, they would continue for as long as it takes not unless they find another muse in a much more beautiful girl. And to think that being beautiful is now a general criteria for a boy to like a girl prove that it’s nothing but LUST. These days, LUST has been interchanged with LOVE; it has become hard to differentiate between the two. You can never see a boy approach a girl that has been classified as “UGLY” to ask her out, not if he has something he wants that he can’t get from other girls but thinks he can get from her. Don’t get me wrong though, there are guys who truly love their girls but it is really sad that there are just a few of them.
Peer group influence has been found to be the main cause of these misdoings. A guy would want to prove to his clique that he is man enough to ask a girl out. Most times they would play games and bet money as to who gets a girl or sleeps with her first. Yeah, it’s really sad that that is what our little world has turned to.
To sum it all up, fathers do not like their daughters’ boyfriends for the following reasons:
a. They Truly Care: Most boys are wolves in sheep clothing. They appear really nice and can do anything for their ‘bae’. But fathers being what they are; are able to detect these deceptions and would do anything to protect their ‘weaklings’. You cannot blame the old man, he doesn’t want you to be heart broken or get hurt. Sometimes, I must sincerely add, they really overdo it. But what can we do? You want to leave the house? Wrong move girl! Trust me, that’s not the best option, you would only expose yourself to more harm if you do that.
b. Language Barrier/Cultural Differences: There are millions of languages spoken around the world hence it becomes a barrier to effective communication. Parents usually do not want their children associating with children from another ethnic background because they are associated with trends they disapprove of. For instance, in Nigeria, an Igbo boy’s parents may disapprove of him marrying an Edo girl because it is believed that the people of Edo are involved in prostitution. Many a times, parents would vehemently disagree, wanting their children to marry a certain person usually from their tribe. This has gone on for a long time now and it high time this mentality is killed once and for all.
c. Boy’s Occupation: ‘He is a mechanic, a roadside mechanic for that matter!’ ‘He picks garbage for a living. Is it garbage that will feed you?’ Blah Blah Blah! “DO NOT DESPISE THE DAYS OF LITTLE BEGINNINGS” my Bible tells me. So what he picks garbage for a living? Do you know what visions he has? Give him a break, man must survive. But I must warn young girl, being with a guy without a VISION is likened to embarking on a DEATH MISSION. Mission Impossible! You shouldn’t be concerned that he has no money now, when you see he has visions why not support him to realize his dreams even as he supports you to realize yours. Rome was never built in a day. It takes time to make it in life; TIME + PATIENCE AND HARDWORK (PREPARATION) + OPPORTUNITY = SUCCESS. When preparation meets opportunity, then the stage of success is set. You could build nations and business dynasties from nothing. Girl, take Cookie Lyon as an example! Occupation should not be the basis on which fathers object to their daughter’s relationship not unless it is an illegal occupation like drug trafficking, internet fraud, arms man, etc.
d. Religious Background: Religious rivalries and unrest have been the order of the day. It is a war fought each and every day; a leprosy that have filled the world with hate; a war that has led to death of millions of lives around the world. Religion! An eight letter world, yet so strong! Religion — the word that has divided the world. Religion has not only succeeded in tearing the world apart but also love and relationships. I wouldn’t mind marrying a Muslim but to think that my children would be caught between choosing to be a Christian, Muslim or prefer to be an Atheist just not to anger both parents is enough to brush the thought off my mind. Love cannot be turned off or on with a remote is something that can be felt with the heart. It cannot be shut off or on but could be suppressed to some extent due to difficulties or challenges surrounding the love. This is so complicated, so I cannot proffer solution to this. I only wish religious and cultural discrimination would come to an end. But I personally don’t imagine myself touching head on the floor to observe the Sallat or performing an ablution because I was not brought up to be like that. Fathers also fear the fate of their daughter should they allow the marriage. It is general knowledge that women are always expected to cover their heads and are not allowed to speak of their views in Muslim homes simply because they are women. Muslim fathers in turn do not want their daughters wearing ‘open clothes that exposes and shame their womanhood’ or ‘eating unclean food’. So, who would blame both parties? No! No! I am not. I think I’ll just remain neutral here. Thanks.
e. Family Background: Rich fathers would not want their multibillion dollar baby girls to mix with someone who is cashless afterall they want addition to their riches and not subtraction. A guy ‘without anything to show for it’ isn’t good enough for their daughters. This mentality although is wrong, but you know it’s the world and people are very unpredictable. Some may actually be gold diggers who only want the girl’s riches but as a parent this should not be the basis of breaking a relationship especially when you see that there is love between them. A concerned father should only ensure that the boy’s feelings are true and unwavering. Now to poor fathers, they don’t like their daughters going out with rich boys as they feel they are spoilt and are used to having toys they use and discard and think this fate may be melted out to their daughter. An advice to such father- Don’t jump into conclusions Sir, just make sure she’s okay and knows you’re there to support her come what may.
f. Type of Peer Group Boys Mingle With: Peer group is still a thorn in the flesh of young breeds. Young people do things they were not brought up to do to show to their peers they are not weak or lacking audacity and it’s such a shame. Fathers become really protective when they discover their daughter’s boyfriends mingle with the wrong peers. Evil communication corrupts good manners; as such fathers would not want such interaction around their daughters not after many years of good upbringing.
g. Racism: Racial discrimination right from the onset has been a big problem confronting peaceful coexistence and unity in the world. Hate for skin colour or race is referred to as racism. Many notable personalities have fought against racism but the war seems far from being over as this trend continues even up to this day. Racial discrimination has hindered a lot of marriages and relationships. Fathers often disapprove of their daughter’s relationship because the boy is black/white. One good book I would refer you to is Sarah Oladipo Manyika’s “IN DEPENDENCE’ where an Oxford girl — Vanessa falls in love with a boy from Ibadan-Nigeria- Tayo. Their love passed through hurdles although one could not say they triumphed but it shows us just how naïve and uninformed we can be when it comes to racial discrimination.
h. Boys Remind Them of Their Young, Careless Escapades Days: Little Boys: Yeah right! Father’s were once boys and have played the Playboy. They do not want such fates dealt to their own daughter’s. Jumping from one bed to another, breaking little hearts, multiple sex partners, double dating etc are some of the mischief played by our fathers as one boys. No? You can’t imagine your dad doing that?
Hey young boy? Yes you? You’re playing with their hearts now, remember you’re gonna have a daughter and you wouldn’t want anybody to do the same thing to them right? Whey then do you do it? It makes you feel validated? It makes you feel like a man? You can’t control that thing between your legs? Just wait then, till I get a hold of it — I will chop it off with the kitchen knife so you don’t destroy lives anymore. The thought of millions of feotuses aborted each year is alarming. Children born out of wedlock consists of about 65%. I wonder why we girls always open our legs for some pleasure that only lasts a while then you are left with many years of hurt and regret, wishing to take it back and not repeat same mistake.
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